Falling to Pieces
by choose joy xox
Summary: "Toby, I want a normal life! I want to be able to go on a date with you and not worry that it will be ruined by a failed intervention for our friend or an emergency. I don't want to weigh what it's safe to tell you in my mind. I don't want to be afraid to sleep in my own house! I want a life, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it." How will Rosewood react when -A goes too far?
1. Chapter 1

**Just Hold My Hand and Don't Ever Drop It is a prequel of sorts to this. It's not necessary to read, it just kind of sets up Spencer's mind frame here. So much has happened to this girl in such a short period of time... POOR ANGEL BABY SPENCER.**

**I am 110% sure this WON'T happen in 5B, but it COULD happen, if that makes any sense at all. This is canon up through the end of 5A. And fair warning, because this is canon, I'm finally being forced to include Aria in a story. I do not LIKE Aria, so I will probably not write her well. But I shall give it my best effort, lol.**

**This is shorter. I have a few chapters done, but I don't plan on updating this one as quickly. Mostly because I want to hear your theories and give you time to digest it. Right now you can expect a twice a week update. However, I wasn't supposed to start this until I finished Can't Drown My Demons. Just call me inspired. So don't expect SUPER quick updates until that's done, because it is still my priority as of right now.**

**I also have a question for you guys. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I do think my writing has gotten a lot better over the past year, and I'm considering going back through and deleting some of my old stories. Are there any you'd be upset to see go away?**

**THIS IS GOING TO BE TYPICAL OF MY USUAL STORIES. You guys know that I like writing sad, and this WILL BE SAD. This chapter not so much, but the pain is coming. You've been warned. Like I'm talking potential character death/life ruining consequences. Because let's be honest. -A's a psycho.**

**This chapter is from Spencer's POV, but the rest of the story will almost entirely be from Toby's. This is for reasons that will become obvious in a few.**

**THIS IS SUPER LOOSELY BASED ON A BOOK I READ ONCE. But as the book title will spoil the main plot of this to anyone who's read it, I will share the title of the book in the last chapter.**

**OKAY. Read and review. PLEASE let me know where you think I'm going with this :)**

Chapter 1

SPOV

_The Party_

_It doesn't feel safe anymore. It used to be my refuge, but my safe place. But now I can't help but feel that the walls have eyes. He's watching my every move, and I don't know his end game. I'm scared._

Her eyes drooped as she scrolled through her PDFs of Alison's journal. She didn't know why, but she had a gut feeling that the answers that they were after were somewhere inside. -A had stolen it and taken the time to mislead them by changing the words. That bitch didn't do anything idly, she didn't do a single thing without a purpose. The diary held the answers, she was absolutely certain of it.

She eyed the can of peanuts on her desk corner, no doubt a clever ploy by her boyfriend. Ever since she almost passed out in his arms last week he had been semi-maniacal about making her eat. But he couldn't be with her every hour of the day. It wasn't that she was purposely avoiding food, but she just didn't think to eat. She had other things on her mind, namely ending this nightmare for all of them.

"Spencer!"

She jumped at the unexpected voice. She had never liked being snuck up on, a byproduct of Melissa's childhood habit of pranking her younger sister, but the past two years of torment only increased that aversion. "What's up, Aria?" She cringed at the exhaustion in her voice, but she knew that Aria wouldn't notice.

She loved the pixie sized brunette to death, but she probably wouldn't notice if Spencer lost an arm. She wasn't dumb, she was just a bit self-absorbed, and not in a bad way. In a way that made it obvious that she would survive anything, because she would put her own well-being first. Spencer sincerely wished she could be like that, but she was cursed with an overwhelming sense of empathy. She wasn't pulling grueling all nighter after grueling all nighter for her own benefit. Her friends deserved their lives back just as much as she did, if not more.

Aria gave her a look that suggested she lost her mind. "Did you forget that we're-"

"Shit," the uncharacteristic curse slipped her lips. "Meeting Em and Hanna at the Brew. Give me five minutes." She gestured to the bed with her head and headed to her closet. Usually she liked to look put together, but today she was just going to have to cause a semi-scandal by high school standards and dress casually. Maybe the plebeians who attended Rosewood High would believe she had an early morning yoga class and forgot her gym bag. She pulled on a pair of fitted jeans and a simple white t shirt. She tied her hair in a quick messy, emphasis on the word messy, bun, grabbed her bag, and turned back to Aria. "Sorry, you ready?"

She nodded and tossed her pack back over her back. "So, I talked to Ezra yesterday."

Spencer couldn't help but think that Aria's obvious attempt to redeem their former teacher was a horrendous idea, but she wouldn't interfere with her friend's love life. Some could say that she made a bad decision by taking Toby back after his brief jaunt into -A team induced insanity, but she knew there was nothing further from the truth. Toby's presence in her life was the only thing that sustained her. "What happened with that?"

"He just apologized profusely, and tried to explain again. I know what he did was wrong, but was it really _unforgivable _wrong? I just- I don't know." She frowned and ran a hand through her thick hair. "I love him, you know? He's- I just don't think I'll ever love anyone like I love Ezra. But I don't know if I can ever trust him again."

She paused, having to collect her thoughts before she could even attempt to impartially answer her. "I can't tell you what to do, Aria. I'm sure Ezra's being sincere, but that doesn't really change what he did. But what he did probably doesn't really change how you feel about him. Trust me, I **do **know a thing or two about that." She doesn't like to think about early November. It had been nearly a month since she found out the truth about Toby, but God, when she thought too hard about what he did it still stung. She forgave him, and she trusted him implicitly. She knew he only did it to protect her, but it was basically the worst, most impulsive decision he could have made. She didn't need protection, she just needed him.

"How did you-" she paused and shook her head. "Nevermind."

"How did I forgive Toby?" She had known Aria for almost her entire life. She knew what she was going to ask. At Aria's nod she bit her lip and thought about how to answer. "The thing about Toby is that when he tells you the truth you just believe him," she echoed Alison's words from New York. "I knew he was telling me the truth when he told me he was doing it to protect me. It was stupid, impulsive, and he's just- he's an idiot. He could have gotten himself killed. But I don't think that anyone has ever put me first like that before, and I couldn't help but fall a little more in love with him in the process." She was being a little more candid than she usually would, and her feminist side cringed at her admitting she liked being rescued, but Aria needed to hear it. "He did literally take a bullet for us, Aria."

She nodded thoughtfully as they entered the Brew. "Don't tell them about this, okay?"

They didn't really need any more secrets between the four of them, but she nodded anyway. There was no doubt in her mind that the entire world saw that Ezra and Aria would end up together. It was just a matter of time before Aria worked out how to forgive him.

"You bitches are so late!" Hanna really needed to work out that bitches wasn't exactly a term of endearment.

"Spencer was on her computer," Aria defended. "Probably working on an AP French presentation or something."

She finished French last year. And she finished her Spanish project weeks ago. But she didn't really want to let the girls know about her intensive investigation either; not until she had something concrete to give them. "Just homework," she agreed. "Time got away from me."

A large hand clamped on her shoulder, but she didn't have to turn around to know it was Toby. The girls' indulgent smiles and the fact that he lived upstairs were key indicators, but honestly, she was sure she would know Toby if she was blind folded. Her heart would know. She turned around with a smile. His face was more solemn than hers, but a ghost of a smile appeared on his features. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

She hesitated and looked at the girls. Emily waved her away, "Get out of here."

"Yeah," Hanna laughed. "You two are so cute you're going to give me a cavity, and I have no intention of going back to the dentist any time soon." She shuddered dramatically. Hanna had been through so much lately, it was nice to see her heading back for normal. After her stupid games with the pills it really wasn't her place to give anyone advice on addictive substances, but Hanna had really scared her with the alcohol. She was pretty sure some of this nonchalant behavior was to hid her true feelings about Mona's passing, but whatever it was it was progress.

She smiled tiredly and turned back to her boyfriend. He pulled her up with persistent hands and led her over to a table in a quiet corner. There was a coffee and a pastry waiting for her. She looked at him questioningly. He shrugged unapologetically in response. "I saw you before you saw me and decided to be proactive. This way I know you had breakfast."

She would have protested, but she actually _hadn't _had breakfast. Or dinner for that matter. She had been too busy deciphering a particularly cryptic page of Ali's diary. She supposed she could just ask the blonde what it meant, but she didn't trust a word she said anymore. But for the life of her she couldn't figure out why _home _was changed to _party _in a story about feeling safe, unless it was really pointing to Mrs. D as being -A. But that didn't make sense, because she was dead and they were still receiving -A messages. Maybe Ali just suspected her mom, but that didn't explain why -A changed it.

"Spence?" He had a exasperated amusement on his face. He never stayed angry when he looked at her, but sometimes she wished that he would. He had gone through so much in his short life, much more than she had, and she hated to be another source of pain toward him. She wished that he would tell her off when she hurt him, because then at least he had stood up for himself.

"Sorry," she mumbled, breaking off a small piece of the chocolate scone. She didn't remember telling him that this was her favorite pastry, but somehow he knew. He always knew.

"Are you alright?" He tilted his head to the side to study her face. "You look really tired."

And that's why she shouldn't have been surprised that he was the only one who noticed the pronounced bags under her eyes, or at least he was the only one that cared enough to question her well-being. "I was just up late."

"Doing what?" He reached across the table and put one of his hands on top of hers.

Her heart jumped at the contact, almost embarrassingly. They had been dating for over a year, you would think that her heart would have calmed down at his touches, but apparently not. She took another bite of the scone, hoping that she would think of a logical explanation in the time that it took for her to chew the bite. "I was just doing some research."

He groaned and took her other hand. "Spence, it's not safe for you to sleuth on your own. I don't care if it's just on your computer. Who knows what -A is capable of?"

"I know, okay? But I can't live like this anymore." She took one of her hands back, but couldn't bear to part from him completely.

He squeezed her fingers gently. "I know that, Spence. But-"

She shook her head. "But nothing! Toby, I want a normal life! I want to be able to go on a date with you and not worry that it will be ruined by a failed intervention for our friend or an emergency. I don't want to weigh what it's safe to tell you in my mind. I don't want to be afraid to sleep in my own house! I want a life, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it."

"Shh," he scooted around the table and sat next to her, smoothing her hair back. "Hey, I'm sorry. That's not what I'm saying. Just let me come over to help, okay?"

She hesitated, and he immediately read her thought process. "And don't you dare spend another minute worrying about my safety, Spencer. If it's not safe for me to know than it's even less safe for you to keep it to yourself. I'll come over after school, and if my only task is to rub your shoulders and fetch you bottles of water I'm fine with that, okay?"

God, she loved him. She leaned in and kissed him more passionately than was probably appropriate for a public setting, and she didn't care at all. She loved him for than she ever loved anyone, and she didn't care who knew it. When they broke apart for air, instead of pulling away she rested her head against his collar bone and closed her eyes, the steady sound of his beating heart relaxing her more than anything else. She didn't know much, but what she did know was that as long as that heart was beating she would be fine.

One of his hands got lost in her hair, cradling her head against her chest, and the other ran up and down her back, tracing soft, soothing patterns along the bumps of her spine. "I love you," he breathed. And he didn't say it like it was something rehearsed. It was like it was something he felt so deeply he couldn't keep it to himself any longer.

"I love you too, Toby."

She wasn't sure how long they sat like that for, but eventually he sighed, and pulled away, running his hands down her arms until they came in contact with her hands. He took both of them and squeezed them gently. "I need to get to work."

She nodded, but didn't speak. She wasn't ready to let him go, and judging by the reluctance in his eyes, he wasn't too excited about the prospect either. "Don't dwell on this -A stuff today, okay? Try to have a good day at school, and I'll meet you at your house as soon as I'm off, okay? Will your parents be there?"

"Probably not before you get there, but they'll be there by dinner," she murmured.

He nodded and kissed her forehead. "Lock the door then. I'll call you once I'm there." He sighed and stood. "I need to get going. I'm working with Sweeny's brother today, and I honestly think that even Sweeny's afraid of him."

She let him lead her back to the girls, her coffee still in hand. He kissed her a final time, lingering a bit longer than he usually might have. "Stay safe today, baby."

"You too," she whispered, for some reason feeling extra emotional.

He looked as reluctant to leave her as she felt about letting him go, but eventually he pulled her closer for a second before letting her go entirely and walking through the door. She sat down on her chair, something Toby had said bothering her. But she couldn't quite grasp it.

"Spence, you still with us?"

Hanna snorted. "Nope, morning kissy time with her boyfriend turned her brain to mush."

"Sorry," she mumbled. "What are you talking about?"

"I was just wondering what you thought about Mike and Mona."

She frowned, remembering Aria's brother's reaction to seeing his girlfriend's body. She might not have been his ideal match, but it was obvious that he loved her.

But that's when it hit her. Brother. _**Brother.**_

_"I honestly think that even Sweeny's afraid of his brother."_

She stood up. "I forgot my French book at home. I'll meet you guys at school."

And without another word she left the Brew and hurried down the street to her house. Brother. _Brother. _It was so obvious, but she didn't want to think it. Not after everything she shared with him, every time she had his back. She thought she finally found a family member that was like her, but maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe he was just assimilating... trying to get close to her for a twisted game.

Because Mrs. DiLaurentis wasn't the only person living in that house. Jason was there the summer she disappeared to. But she was unwilling to throw her brother under the bus on a hunch. She needed proof. And the best lead she had when it came to Jason was his fake stint in rehab. Dean had already told her that his particular facility was shut down, but she just had to see it writing. She had to see the proof. Because so much had happened while Jason was supposed to be in rehab. He certainly had the time, resources, and motive to hurt them... to hurt Ali. But she didn't want to believe it of him. Not of the brother that she had grown to love.

But the more she thought about it the more it made sense. Mrs. D was covering for someone, and honestly, who made sense other than Jason? They were always reaching with their Bethany theories. Sometimes the most simple solution was the right one. But he had comforted her. He had had her back. He understood her in a way that no one else ever had. Was it all an act to get close to her?

She took the stairs two a time, too eager to reach her room to focus on anything else. But as soon as she opened her door she wished that she would have. Because she wouldn't have swung open her door to reveal the slouching figure of Jason DiLaurentis in a black hoodie. She would have noticed the broken window in the living room that he used to enter her house. He frown at the sight of her and stood up. "When I saw you leave your friends so abruptly I knew you figured it out."

She stayed in the door frame, not believing that what she was seeing was her reality. It couldn't be real. "It's always been you? All this time?"

"Not the whole time," he said. "I was -A for Ali before she faked her death, but Mona really was -A for awhile. I came to her when she was in Radley and took the game over from her. She was sick, and I needed a pawn."

"Why?" She whispered, taking a minuscule step back. She needed to get away. She needed to get out of here before he started whatever plan he had for her. Because he wouldn't be here unless he had a sinister end game.

"I thought that it would draw my sister out. And it did. You girls were never my target, just collateral damage."

"Then why are you here now?" She regretted the question as soon as it came back, knowing it would hasten his end game.

He frowned, stepping toward her. "Yeah, I'm sorry about this. But I can't let you get ruin this before I'm done."

She took another step back, staying out of reach. "Jason, I-"

But her words trailed off into a surprised shriek as he lunged for her, wrapping an arm around her waist and throwing her hard into her wall of trophies. "I just did this with Mona a few days ago, I didn't expect to have to do it again so soon."

She touched a hand to her forehead, wincing at the contact and the blood. "Jason, my friends know where I am. They'll be coming."

He rolled his eyes and picked her up by her hair, shoving her body into her book shelf. "J-jason-" she gasped, the pain starting to get to her.

"I don't want to do this, Spencer," he grabbed a trophy from the ground and smacked her hard across the face with it. "I really don't. But I need to finish what I started, and you knowing doesn't let that happen."

He grabbed her by the arm, and yanked her down the hall, periodically slamming her into the wall as the went along, shoving her into shelves. It took her a minute, but she realized that his current goal wasn't to hurt her. It was to make a mess and to smear the blood the was flowing down her face onto the walls. "P-please," she stuttered. "Just- let me help you." They were nearing the stairs, and she knew that that couldn't mean anything good for her. "Alison got me arrested. I don't want anything good for her either."

He chuckled bitterly and grabbed her other arm so she was forced to look at him. "You and lover boy tried that fake joining thing on me a few weeks ago, remember? It's not going to work again." His face softened. "I really am sorry, Spencer," he said softly before letting her go and shoving her hard.

It felt like she was air born for a second, until she wasn't. Her head, her body, slammed into the hard wood floor of every step. Over and over again. She didn't know what was was up and what was down. All she knew was pain.

And then it stopped. She came to a stop, and she couldn't move. She wanted to crawl away, especially as she heard his footsteps behind her, but the best that she could do was halfheartedly grab at the bottom of the front door, just out of her reach.

Before she even knew what was happening his hands were on her again, but she didn't really hurt anymore. She kind of felt numb. She felt him throw her again. She heard the crunch of the coffee table breaking beneath her, but she didn't feel it. She didn't feel anything. The edges of her vision were blackening, but before she passed out she saw the glint of a knife. Her last thoughts were of Toby, and how if Jason was going to kill her, she sincerely hoped that her parents got home to find her body before he came over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Did I really just get 18 reviews for one chapter? I was going to wait until this weekend to post this, but you all just blew my mind. Have an early chapter!**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stick with me. I promise I have a purpose for everything I do, and remember this is based on the PLL world, okay? Just remember all of this and stick with me. I promise you'll enjoy it!**

**I don't really know what else to say? Just review with your thoughts and theories because those are my favorite reviews in the whole world! And how lucky are you guys, really? I just updated all three of my stories in one day. Chalk it up to being bored and cooped up because I'm not about to go out in the cold. hashtag Chicago sucks.**

Chapter 2

TPOV

The 2x4's they were using to build the Smiths' shed were rough. He could practically feel the thick grain of the wood through his work gloves. The blustering wind blew through his hair, standing it up on its ends. He laughed and tried to smooth it down. He didn't really feel up to looking like Harry Potter today.

But it was alright. He wouldn't be doing this for much longer. Now that his leg was healed he could finally finish his qualifications for entrance into the Rosewood police force. He could finally find a way to end all of this for Spencer and her friends.

A deep seeded worry for his girlfriend settled in his chest. His throat tightened as a wave of emotion crashed over him. She was so tired... she wasn't taking care of himself. There was nothing more he wanted than to take her into his arms and never

"Cavanaugh!"

He turned and gave his boss a questioning look. Usually he didn't bellow from across the work yard. "What up, Sweeny?"

The man had a funny look on his face. "You have a phone call in the trailer. I was told that it was an emergency."

If it was his stepmother asking him to pick them up a loaf of bread again he was going to lose the little sanity that he had left. Somehow, like with everything else in the entire world, they managed to make him feel guilty about the loss of their house. Granted, it was kind of his fault. His involvement with Spencer was nothing that he would ever come close to regretting or apologizing for, but it was what had brought the destructive -A team into their lives. So if they wanted bread he would bring them bread.

He closed his eyes and collected himself before answering the phone. It didn't want to come across as frustrated as he really was. "Hello?"

_"Tob__y? Hey, it's Emily."_

And now he was worried. Frustration was an emotion he didn't even remember feeling. Because Emily wouldn't be calling him for nothing. Was this a real emergency? "What's wrong? Are you okay? Is Spencer?"

He could practically hear the frown in her response. _"Yeah, listen that's why I'm calling you. She never showed up to school, and we're getting worried."_

"She what?" It felt like his heart legitimately skipped a beat. They were heading to school when he left her. What could have possibly happened in the short time she was at the Brew without him. "I'm leaving now. I'll head to her house and check on her."

_"Will you get in trouble? Maybe I can duck out, if it's too hard for you to leave."_

"Em, I would honestly tunnel from here to China if I needed to. I'll head over there now and call you back when I find out what's going on." His voice shook only at the end. A bad feeling was settling in the bottom of his stomach. Something was wrong.

_"Thanks, Toby."_

He hung up and the door slamming shut behind him reminded him that he should probably tell his boss where he was headed. But he didn't really care. To anyone who didn't have all the information this would hardly come off as an emergency. But his stomach twisted in fear as he climbed into his truck and took off down the road. He pressed his foot heavily on the gas peddle. If the Rosewood police weren't so inept he might worry about a ticket, but as it were they were probably enjoying a donut while they shared tips on harassing their town's population of teenage girls.

He pulled up to the curb in front of his girlfriend's house with a pronounced squeal of his tires. The gate was shut, but when no one granted him entrance he agilely climbed over it. It was easier to ask the Hastings for forgiveness later than continue in his nearly debilitating worry.

But as soon as he was over the wall the worry turned into all out dread. Her back door was open. And as he sprinted to it he could see that it wasn't just open, but the broken pane of glass above the door knob indicated a break in. He slid inside, his phone already in his hand, but as he looked around it slid from his numb fingers. Blood. There was blood everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, on the broken coffee table, _everywhere._

"**Spencer!**" His voice was a perfect mixture of anger and fear. This- it couldn't be hers. It _couldn't. _Because if it was hers... he shook off the thought and took the stairs two at a time, his eyes filling with tears at the smears of blood on the walls, the small puddles on the floor. There was _so much blood. _And he had never wished harm on anyone else before, but he prayed to whatever God was listening that it belonged to any other single person on the planet besides Spencer.

Because what would he be without her? **Who **would he be without her? He thought back to the sad, lonely boy that he was before Spencer found him. He was nothing. He was living his life under the oppressive thumb of his maniac step sister. He was living without any hope... without any love. But Spencer came and pulled the rug out from under his ass, changing all of that. He owed her everything in the world. This couldn't be her blood.

He dropped to his knees as he entered her room. His breath left his body like he was sucker punched in the gut. No. _**No. ** _He crawled across the ground with his heart in his throat. He leaned against her bed and pulled his phone out, first dialing 911, explaining the issue in a shaky, breathless voice. He didn't even remember what he said. He didn't even remember picking up his phone. He just remembered saying that someone needed to get there _now._

Everything felt numb. His head was spinning, and his hands were shaking so hard that he could barely hold the phone to his ear as he waited for Emily to answer. He wasn't in her room anymore, and he didn't know how he left. He didn't remember leaving. Spencer was so small. There was no way she had this much blood in her body. There was no way she had this much blood to _spare _in her body. He had to find her.

He walked frantically from room to room searching for her. He didn't know whether he wanted to find her or not. If he found her body... if he found her there was no recovering from that. Because she was his entire world. They didn't talk about emotions often, but they just knew. _They just knew. _She knew what she meant to him. She knew that she literally saved his life again and again. Because what he was doing before she came into his life wasn't living. His world was dark, but she was a beacon of light that lit the surrounding world. Without her his world would once again be submerged into darkness, but worse because his eyes would still be blinded from the light of her presence. He would never forget her. His eyes would never adjust to the darkness again.

_"Hello?"_

He nearly dropped the phone at the sound of Emily's voice, having forgotten that he had called her. "Em." It wasn't until he said her name that he realized that he was crying. And not just a single tear, he was full on sobbing. "Em, I-"

_"Give me five minutes to get the girls together and we'll be right there."_

"I-" But he couldn't talk. He couldn't breath. Did he even want to breath? Maybe it would be a relief to let go. He could to wherever Spencer was. But no. _No. _No, he wouldn't think like that. He **couldn't **think like that. Wouldn't he feel it? Wouldn't he _know _if she was gone? Because it didn't feel like that. But there was just so much blood. There was _too _much blood.

_"Toby, whatever it is we'll figure it out."_

He shook his head and dropped the phone. He wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. His stomach hurt with the force of his sobs. But he couldn't do that. He had to remain diligent in his focus, because if there was even a chance that he could find her alive he would do it. He would take it. He stumbled through the house, looking behind furniture and in closets, leaving no corner unsearched. If she was in here he'd find her.

He heard the cops arrive, but he didn't stop looking until two large hands enclosed around his shoulders. "Mr. Cavanaugh?"

He wanted to shrug him off. He wanted to keep looking, but he knew it was in Spencer's best interest that the police get involved, despite his less than favorable opinion of the Rosewood PD. They could do more than he could; they had access to more than he did. They could find her.

Emily, Aria, and Hanna arrived first, and their reactions were something that he wished he could erase from his memory. He felt numb, but the animalistic cries from Hanna told him that they weren't quite that lucky. Hanna and Aria clutched each other kind of near him, but Emily's hands were on his arm. She tried to get his attention, but he couldn't talk to her even if he wanted too. It was like his lungs deflated... like his mind was flipped to the off position. He just shut down. He had reacted like this before, but it had been awhile... since Jenna.

Spencer's parents got there next. It might have been minutes, it might have been hours. He had no concept of time. Mrs. Hastings' tears rivaled Hanna's, and her dad had a neutral expression, but he could see the pain underneath. He remembered the heartbreaking moment Spencer had told him that she felt like no one really cared about her but him, but if only she could see this now. If only her friends and family could have shown her this level of care and compassion when she was with them.

Detective Holbrook sauntered their way with Officer Barry trailing shortly behind him. The tears in Officer Barry's eyes told him all that he needed to know, but that he was terrified to hear. He couldn't hear it because it would make it real, and if it was real his life was over. Everything was over because there was nothing left for him. Nothing mattered.

The detective cleared his throat before speaking. "This is never easy to say, but we've tested several samples of the blood in the house and have determined it to be Miss Hastings'."

Even that was enough. What had -A put her through? What had that monster done to her to cause that level of damage? The thought made him sick to his stomach. He should have been there. He thought of her small hands clinging to his shirt just an hour earlier. He thought of the forced bravery in her eyes when she smiled and told him to go. He thought of her soft lips moving with his every time they physically showed their love for each other. He shouldn't have left her. He never should have let her go feeling as emotional as she did. She was sleuthing. She was working on something, and she clearly made some kind of discovery or else A wouldn't have done what they did. It was the same reason Mona was killed.

He let out a cry of frustration. He shouldn't have let her keep going, and at the **very least **he shouldn't have left her side. They **_knew_ **why Mona was killed, why the **hell **had he let Spencer venture down the same road on her own. Was this his fault?

Detective Holbrook gave him a sympathetic look before continuing. "We've been unable to recover a body, and without immediate medical attention there is no way that Ms. Hastings could have survived this dramatic level of blood loss. We're very sorry, but this has official been ruled a homicide investigation."

The world melted away at those words. They can't be right. They just can't. A rushing noise filled his ears as he bent over and cried into his arms. His chest ached. It felt like it was on fire and covered in ice at the same time. Everything hurt. His throat, his heart, his eyes... everything. The numbness was gone, and in its place was an all consuming pain. He wanted to go home, but where was home? It wasn't a place, but a feeling. Where you felt safe. Where you knew that nothing could hurt you. Spencer was home, and if the police were right he could never go home again.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't even know what to say about this chapter, this story, or the quality of the reviews. You guys are incredible. But I swear, I need to write something funny after this. Because this literally killed me. POOR TOBY. **

**Keep up the amazing reviews! You can expect another update Tuesday/Wednesday-ish.**

Chapter 3

TPOV

There was a flurry of commotion around him. Mrs. Hastings' hysterical sobs were all he could really focus on. He was confused. He knew that she love Spencer. He _knew _that she did. But all he could think was that maybe she should have done a better job of showing it while-

No. He still wouldn't go there. He wouldn't think those words because they weren't true. They _couldn't _be true. Wouldn't he know? Wouldn't he feel it?

He only realized how hard he was shaking when another pair of arms wrapped around him. Emily's arms weren't the ones he wanted to feel, and he was going to shrug away, but he caught sight of her tear stained face and melted. He wasn't the only one suffering here. He allowed her to keep a hold of him, but that was literally all he was capable of. His hands were shaking, his vision was blurred by unshed tears, and if anyone thought he was moving from this spot they were crazy. Where else was he going to go? His loft, where Spencer's jacket was flung over his chair, her cereal was in the cabinet, and her make up was scattered around the bathroom counter? That would be his undoing.

"Mr. Cavanaugh?"

He looked up at Detective Holbrook, but he didn't say anything. Any words he might have said about the inept nature of the police force, or the fact that they could have prevented this had they made those four girls feel safe enough to confess A's deeds got caught in the snarled emotion in his throat. If he talked he would cry again. He would cry until there was nothing left.

And he couldn't do that. They hadn't found a body. There was still hope. There was still a chance that Spencer could come home, and he would hold it together on the chance that she needed his help.

When he saw Toby look at him he held a hand out for the younger boy. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Why?" If he cared about anything he would have turned to see if Hanna looked as angry as she sounded.

"Hanna-"

"No," Hanna interrupted him. "Why do you need to talk to him? Can't you see we're all really upset right now? We need our friends, and if you're going to take him away from us you need to tell us why or more the fuck along."

Holbrook sighed profoundly. "We just need to know his whereabouts approximately-"

This time he interrupted, speaking for the first time. "You think I did this?" He whispered, in a broken, unrecognizable voice. "You think that I _could _do this? That I could hurt her?" His voice trailed of to an inaudible level at the end.

"What's going on over here?" Mr. Hastings ducked around a tree to take in what must have been the pitiful sight of his daughter's closest friends and boyfriend semi-mourning her. Toby wouldn't mourn her though. Because she wasn't gone. She couldn't be gone, but she _was _hurt.

"I was-"

Aria interrupted him. "He's trying to accuse Toby of hurting Spencer." She shot the man a disgusted look before turning her tear soaked face back into Hanna's shoulder.

Mr. Hastings looked at him, his features softening slightly, before turning to Detective Holbrook. "Is that true?"

"It was a simple question that was misunderstood, and I'm perfectly within my rights to question Mr. Cavanaugh." Holbrook made the mistake of trying to explain the law to Mr. Hastings.

Mr. Hastings' eyes flashed. "I understand how the law works just fine. What I don't understand is why you're wasting precious time that my daughter doesn't have questioning the only person on the planet that I'm sure **didn't **do this to her."

At any other time he would have been happy at Mr. Hastings clear and obvious support, but right now he was too focused on the fact that it felt like his heart was clawing its way out of his chest. He had dealt with some horrible things. He wasn't any stranger to pain. But nothing he had ever experienced came close to comparing to this. He thought he hit rock bottom when his mom died. He thought that he could never feel lower than when he succumbed to Jenna's unwelcome touches. But all of that paled in comparison to this. Because he _should have been there. _He should have been there to protect her. He told her that he'd keep her safe, and he failed. He saw how emotional she was at the Brew. He **felt **her distress and unease at their separation. He should have called in, and he should have never left her side. Instead, she was being _hurt. _Someone had their hands on her- someone was making her bleed. And he was doing nothing but mindlessly cutting wood. He failed her. Would he ever stop letting her down?

She wasn't dead. _She wasn't dead. _He would know it. He would feel it. Because he loved her with every single fiber of his being. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her. That kind of love- it just knew. _It just knew. _He would know if she was dead.

An animalistic sob worked its way through his snarled throat. He didn't know what he was feeling. That blessed numbness was long gone, replaced by an unprecedented level of anger. When he pulled himself together he was going to find -A. He was going to finish this once and for all, and he was going to make them hurt in the same way Spencer hurt. He tucked his face away, trying to pull himself together. Despair wasn't helpful or necessary. Not yet. It would only hold him back. Because he was going to find her. He was going to bring her home. But he had to hold on to that anger and the love. He would find her. It wasn't too late, no matter what they said. It would never be too late. He would find her.

_He sighed and ducked through the foliage covering the trail. He didn't have to look hard to find her. He knew where she'd be. He pushed aside a tree limb, and was immediately rewarded with the sight of her slender back overlooking the twinkling town that had caused them both to suffer so much._

_And she had suffered so greatly as of late. Murder accusations, the despair that came along with not knowing if she was responsible for hurting someone else, the return of their gang's old leader, -A's escalating game... it was no wonder she felt the need to escape. But she shouldn't have come up here alone._

_She didn't so much as blink as he slid onto the rock next to her. He took her hand in his and pressed a gentle kiss to her wrist. She acknowledged him for the first time by leaning into his steady embrace. He shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, much preferring to face the cold November air than to watch her shiver. She hummed gratefully. "How did you find me?"_

_He brushed a series of loving kisses through her hair. "I'll always find you, Spencer. You don't have to worry about that. I'll always find you, be there to catch you when you need me. You're never alone."_

Except she was. He had left her alone when she had needed him the most, and he would never forgive himself. He could have prevented this. No one would have touched her if he was there.

A series of text tones was the only thing that could have caught his focus. Because he knew what that meant. And by the looks on their faces it couldn't have been anything good. "Let me see."

Emily bit down on her lip. "Toby, I don't think-"

He would have to apologize later, because he was being an asshole. But he didn't care. He didn't care about anything but finding Spencer. But as he opened the attachment and saw the photograph of her still, bloody hand he knew he cared about something else. He would find -A, and he would kill them for this. He dropped the phone and looked up at the sky. Breath. He needed to calm down and just breath.

"What do we do?" Aria whispered. "Do we tell them about -A?"

'We have to, don't we? It's her only chance." Hanna sounded heartbroken. He didn't always understand their friendship, but he was glad Spencer had someone who cared about her so deeply.

"I think-" he swallowed harshly. "I think if we look at -A's game over the past few years that- that telling might make them angry. And if Spencer's still-"

"They might hurt her more," Emily continued. She looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps and her face twisted in confusion. She shoved her phone in her pocket. "Jason, what are you doing here? I thought you left town for awhile?"

"I did," he explained shortly. "And I'm back now. What the hell's going on over here?"

He didn't look up. He couldn't do this. But he wouldn't leave the girls alone either, because they didn't know exactly why Spencer was attacked. Although he suspected it was because she knew too much... that she figured something out. Either way, after Mona and now Spencer, they needed as much protection as they could get.

Aria jumped up and took Jason's arm, pulling him away from the group to presumably explain. He turned to Hanna and Emily and spoke in a low voice. "I think our best bet is to get Spencer's computer. Because I'm not going to believe that she's gone until I see proof. We still have a chance to help her, and I think the best way to do that is to see what she knew."

"What she knew?" Hanna asked softly.

They seriously didn't know? He thought the four of them shared everything, but apparently not. "She had been investigating something, and she had been going at it hard. I walked in one day and she practically passed out on me. She hadn't eaten in like two days. She found something out, I'm sure of it."

God damn it, Spencer." He had never heard Emily cuss quite like that before, and it took him off guard. "Damn it. She feels such a need to look after us- to be a leader. But it's unnecessary. Especially when she's going to get hurt because of it. Damn it." She ground the ends of her hands into her eyes.

"Shh," he comforted Emily. Action was apparently good for him. He was still angry, _livid, _but focusing on helping her felt good. "We'll figure this out, Em. We'll get her back." Or die trying, he added to himself as an afterthought.

"How are we supposed to get her computer though?" Hanna asked. "This whole house is crawling with cops."

Aria came back, and his eyes found Jason. There was some kind of emotion in his eyes, but he wasn't crying. He didn't even look that upset. What was the story there? Aria sat back down next to them. "I'm the least threatening and the best liar. I'll do it. You guys just cause a scene for me."

Hanna and Emily looked at each other for a second and then back at Toby. "Can you distract her parents, Toby? We can get the cops."

He nodded and stood up, brushing past Jason as he made his way to Mr. and Mrs. Hastings on the other side of the yard. He didn't know what he'd say to them, but he'd think of something.


	4. Chapter 4

**PLEASE LEAVE ME BEAUTIFUL THINGS. My interview is Friday afternoon and I'm leaving tomorrow. AND IM PANICKING. SO NERVOUS.**

**In other news, you guys are so incredible. This is shorter, but the next chapter will be long. So I wanted this to be by itself. LOVE YOU ALL. Okay I'm going to bed! Leave me reviews.**

Chapter 4

TPOV

He raced across the yard. Not because he was particularly looking forward to talking to Spencer's hysterical parents, but because he was trying to outrun the heavy thoughts that plagued his overworked mind. He may have brushed off the -A text the girls had been gifted with, but the image of Spencer's still hand was burned into his mind. It could have been taken when she was simply laying still. She could have been knocked unconscious. Maybe she was tied up out of view of the camera. All of those were preferable to the thoughts that he refused to think. All of those were reversible.

What was worst was the unknown. How was he supposed to help her if he couldn't find her? If he didn't know what was going on with her? It was his job to keep her safe. It was the only thing in his life that he knew that he had to do. And he failed.

But it wasn't much of a surprise. He always failed. He failed at saving his mom. If he were a better son he would have made life worth living for her. Or maybe he would have helped her recover before she ever got thrown into Radley. He failed at telling Jenna no. He told her it was wrong. He said that it was unnatural. But he just watched her touch him, run her hands down his chest. He waited until she was gone to cry. He could have protected himself. He couldn't make his dad love him. And now he couldn't even make sure that his girlfriend stayed safe.

It was weird, wrong even. It felt like everything should have stopped, but they didn't. The birds chirped in the trees above him. People were in school... at work... Everyone was going about their daily routine. But Spencer wasn't, and neither would he.

As he came closer to her parents his mind wondered to the one happy... blissful time they had every had. The few months after they caught Mona before it all started up again. When they thought that it was all over. When they were thought that they were safe.

_When he found out what she had gone through he was annoyed. That was actually too tame a word. He was livid; not at her, but at the entire situation. Sure, Spencer and her friends had made some people feel badly about themselves, but it was always secondhand. They were bitches by association, minions of the queen bitch. Nothing they did earned them a year of torture, especially by Mona. Because if he could forgive them for being bystanders to his own personal hell then anyone should be able to forgive them. They were guilty only in their failure to stand up to their friend. And who wasn't guilty of that now and again?_

_And as much as he tried to ignore it, he felt a twinge of annoyance toward Spencer. She was never in this alone, and she should have known that. He stood by her through so much, and he could have helped protect her from this. She obviously didn't realize the lengths that he would go to for her._

_"Toby!"_

_Her cheerful voice had his immediate attention. He couldn't help but share in her smile. Because as frustrated as he might have been, he had never seen her so happy. It was like she felt light, free. And to be fair, finally being out from Mona's sadistic game and constant scrutiny had to be a relief. He wrapped an arm around her waist, easily pulling her into his chest. "I missed you," he murmured into her hair._

_She laughed, the vibrations pleasantly traveling through his body. "It's been **maybe **four whole hours."_

_He looked around the school courtyard he swore he'd never step into again and felt content, happy even. It was Spencer. She was slowly transforming every piece of his life. He was becoming someone he never thought he'd be, and he liked it. He liked it a lot._

_"What are you thinking so hard about?" She asked him curiously, leaning up for a kiss._

_He obliged, kissing her long and softly. "Just how much I love you."_

"Toby?"

He never noticed it before, but Spencer sounded an awful lot like her mom. Hearing the similarities in tone and speech patterns was killing him right now. It was literally killing him. It felt like his heart was being ripped in two. But he had to remain vigilant in his focus because there might still be a chance for her. He might be able to help her. And he would be no use to anyone if he succumbed to the hysterical tears that were building up behind his eyes. She had to be okay. "Did they find anything new?" He asked her softly.

She looked at him with so much emotion in her eyes before pulling him into a hug. "Oh Toby. Toby, I'm so sorry."

He was taken a back. Her arms did nothing to dull the pain. They weren't the arms that he wanted to feel. But they were something. They were comforting in the most minimal way possible. "What are you talking about?"

"You were so good to her and for her. So good. We ere always hard on her. Maybe too hard; but it was all in love. I truly hope she knew that. But you? You loved her without conditions, and that was everything for her. You gave her the confidence to stand up for what she knew was right. And I-"

He just shook her head. He wanted to pull away from the woman who sounded so much like Spencer, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because as much as it hurt it was comforting to be calmed by someone he knew loved her almost as much as he did. Because Spencer might not have always seen in, but she was so loved. She was _so loved. _If only she could see how much everyone missed her already. He couldn't speak.

"Hey, Toby," Hanna appeared behind them with Aria and Hanna trailing behind. He only had to look at their faces to realize that something went wrong. Hanna tried for a smile. "We're going to go to my house. This is just so- and we um- we just wanted to be together. Do you want to come?"

He knew he had to go with them, but he still hesitated. This was the last place Spencer was known to be. He could still feel her presence all around him, and who knew whether he'd be able to get that back. He looked at Mrs. Hastings. "Will you call me if you find anything new?" He whispered. It was like he couldn't push out anything louder than that raspy whisper.

She nodded. "You'll be the first person that I call."

"Thank you," he murmured, walking away with the smaller blonde by his side. "What's going on, Hanna?"

She glanced at Spencer's parents before looking back at him. "The laptop was gone," she muttered under her breath. "Someone took it. It was there, because her laptop sleeve was on her desk, and we both know how crazy Spencer got about things like that. Someone was in her fucking room."

Fuck. Even mental cursing was uncharacteristic for him, but fuck. "What do we do now?"

"We have another idea," Emily whispered, grabbing his arm. "But we need to go to the school."


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay guys! Here's the next chapter for you! I hope you like it, because it's one of my favorites :)**

**It's so sad though. Poor freaking Toby. I need to stop hurting him! Although I do have an idea for my next story already, so that's good :).**

**OH! And for everyone who asked about my interview. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I think it went okay, and they said I should hear back at three weeks, ABSOLUTE MAX. So everyone keep their fingers crossed!**

**As always, review and let me know what you think! LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK! :)**

Chapter 5

TPOV

"What are we doing here, guys? I don't understand." He looked up at imposing structure of Rosewood High. It represented everything that he wanted to hate and just could bring himself to do so. Because it also housed the things that he loved the most in the world. And that won out every time.

Hanna put a hand on his arm, bringing him to a stop just outside the view of the main windows. "Okay, here's the deal. I'm guessing Spencer didn't tell you this, so don't get pissed."

He was already wary. What was going on? He tightened his hand around a chunk of his hair and pulled. Maybe the physical pain would help to lessen the burning pain in his heart. He surveyed the three teenage girls in front of him, searching their eyes for the answers that he needed. "I don't think I can feel anything but worry right now," he admitted.

Hanna looked at Emily who sighed and nodded. "Spencer was worried about Melissa," she explained to him in a low voice. "So she borrowed a surveillance camera from Ezra and set it up facing the barn. But after something went missing from her room she thought she better move it. Because if something went missing again she wanted to know who it was. It's possible-"

"That -A didn't know that the camera was there," he breathed, seeing where they were going. About a million other questions raced through his mind, but they could wait for later. This was the best lead that they had. "But why are we here?"

"The footage got sent to her tablet," Aria told him. "And she left her tablet here yesterday. She was going to go back to get it, but she said that she didn't need it last night."

"What are we waiting for then?" He stood a little straighter at the possibility that he might be able to help her. He just needed to know who took her, who hurt her. Because if he could fixate this rage on a single person he would find a way to get Spencer's location out of them. He didn't care what he had to do. The fact that he just pledged to protect and serve twinged at the back of his mind, but the law didn't matter right now. Not when the only person he cared to protect was in trouble.

"We need to wait for passing period," Aria whispered as an older looking woman passed them with her dog. "If we go now we'll get caught, and it will be harder to get it done."

That made sense, but it didn't make waiting any easier. "Do you know her locker combination?"

"This is the part you're not going to like," Hanna interjected with a sigh. "We don't, but her friend Andrew does."

"The kid with the pills?" He asked, his voice harder than it should have been. But he saw how that asshole looked at his girlfriend. He trusted Spencer, but he certainly didn't trust that kid. He should have known better than to provide her with **drugs. **But even more than that, why did he have her locker combination? That didn't sit well with him.

"Don't have a heart attack, Toby," Emily sounded as close to amused as anyone had all day. "It was for some nerdy class note passing facilitation. They're the smartest kids in our grade, and they helped each other stay there."

He just shook his head. Maybe that's all it was for Spencer, but he doubted that was all that it was for Andrew. "What do you want me to do?"

"Will you find Caleb and let him know what's going on?" Hanna asked him. "I would, but I think I better deal with Andrew. He still blushes every time he sees Emily and Aria's so short that his gaze will pass right over her. He's in English right now, and his locker is just down the hall from where your's used to be."

He nodded. He didn't think he could talk about all the details unless he wanted to start crying, but he could give him a quick overview. At that moment the bell rang. He gave the girls one last look before walking into Rosewood High. He had been around the outside several times since he dropped out to share lunch with Spencer during her lunch hour, but he hadn't been inside since he officially passed his GED.

It kind of surprised him how it looked exactly the same. But he supposed that that shouldn't shock him. The best monsters hid right out in the open, and Rosewood housed so many of them.

It didn't take him long to find Caleb. The short boy's shaggy hair stood out amongst the carefully dyed and cut hair of the other students. "Caleb!"

Caleb turned immediately, shock and concern coloring his face when he saw Toby. He pushed through the other students and grabbed his arm, dragging him into the bathroom. "What's going on, Toby? Do you know what's going on with the girls? I've been calling Hanna all morning, and none of them are here."

"I-" he began, but his words were cut off when the -A text passed through his mind. Spencer could be hurting right now... bleeding. She could be de- He shook his head; he still wouldn't go there. He couldn't let himself think those thoughts. And here he was just talking to Caleb, safe and sound. It wasn't okay. He would do anything in the world to trade places with her. He would rather shoulder all the pain in the world than to know that she was suffering.

"Toby? What's going on?" Caleb implored. "Is Spencer okay? Is Hanna?"

"Hanna's fine," he said slowly. "But Spencer- they found a l-lot of blood in her house, and-"

Caleb just looked at him for a second before grabbing his arm again. "Are the girls outside?"

"They're breaking into Spencer's locker, and Hanna asked me to come get you," he whispered, tugging on his hair with his free hand. It didn't do much to dull the pain, but it maybe helped a little.

"Okay," he led Toby out of the bathroom and through the halls like he was a lost child. And in a way he was- lost that is. He was lost. And he wouldn't be found, he didn't _want _to be found without Spencer.

Caleb lowered him onto a picnic table and scanned the school for what was probably Hanna. Toby caught sight of the blonde before Caleb did, but before he could nudge his friend Caleb's vigilant eyes spotted his girlfriend. He was overcome with jealousy by the way Caleb's body sagged with relief. He wouldn't feel anything but fear and anxiety until he was able to hold Spencer in his arms. Until he could push her hair back and kiss her forehead. Until he could feel her heart beating in her chest and feel her breathing against his neck. Only then would he be able to shed his anxiety and relax. And if- if he couldn't do those things again? There wasn't any coming back from that.

But the iPad carefully tucked under Hanna's arm was a good sign. Maybe they could figure this out. Maybe they could find her. Hanna smiled at Caleb, but she didn't hug him or touch him, for which he was endlessly grateful. If he say them acting lovey he was one hundred percent sure he'd lose the small amount of sanity that he was still clinging too.

Emily bit down on her lip. "Toby? I know- I know that it'll be hard, but can we go to your loft? It's the only place we can go without getting interrupted."

He hesitated, tears welling up in his eyes at the thought. He hated appearing weak in front of other people, a gift his dad left him with. He was a sensitive kid. He cared about the suffering of others, and it very occasionally brought him to tears. But never again. Not after he overheard his dad telling his uncle how he raised a weak child. All he wanted was for his dad to be proud of him.

But returning to his loft without Spencer? It was incomprehensible. Her touches were all over. He wanted her to feel comfortable there too. And they would serve for an even harsher reminder than her own house. Her jacket draped across his chair, the bright red dishes she insisted would go perfect in his kitchen, the organic vegetables that she filled his fridge with... all of those things she did with the intention of returning. Right now he would just look at them and think about what would happen if she didn't... if she hadn't gotten the help that she needed.

Caleb clearly saw the pain on his face. He squeezed his shoulder. "We can go up to the cabin. It's a mess, and Hanna tossed my mozzarella sticks, so I don't have much to offer in the way of snacks. But it has wifi and a couch, so there's that."

He nodded, endlessly grateful for Caleb's presence. Because he was certain that he understood what Toby was going through. He saw the way that he looked at Hanna, and he knew that if Caleb were in his shoes he'd be feeling pain in equal measure.

He didn't remember getting up, and all he remembered from the drive up to the cabin was bouncing in the seat as they drove erratically up the gravel road. Someone helped him into the house, one of the girls. But he didn't remember who. He didn't remember anything because he could only think about Spencer.

_It had been awhile since they had been up here, but with everything that was going on he felt like they both need it. He led her carefully down the path and to their favorite rock overlooking Rosewood. "I'm not mad at you, Spencer."_

_But he was. He just couldn't tell her that. He was furious, livid. How could she not tell him that -A was back? That she was, once again, being senselessly terrorized by her faceless demon? Last time she **almost died. **And back then? He was only scratching the surface of the enigma that was Spencer Hastings. He would have been sad, devastated even. But if he lost her now? There was no coming back from that. Before he even realized what was happening his existence became so seamlessly wrapped up in his. He needed her._

_But maybe she didn't need him._

_Even as he thought that he knew it was wrong. It wasn't that she didn't need him. It was that she felt this stupid desire to protect everyone she loved. She protected her girls and her parents with everything she had in her, and apparently she was protecting him to. But he didn't need it. He only needed her._

_So when Mona approached him with the offer of answers he couldn't turn it down. It might have been his biggest mistake, but it might have also been his chance to save her from her solitude, to save her from her own personal hell. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her, and if that took a quick jaunt on the dark side then so be it. He would also be on her side, even if she didn't see it. This was all for her._

_"Yes you are," she mumbled, burrowing herself into his side, sharing in his warmth. "But that's okay. I deserve it."_

_And that's all it took for him to soften. She didn't deserve his anger. That's not what she needed. She just needed to be reminded that someone out there loved her unconditionally, despite her stupid proclivity for martyrdom. "I love you, Spencer. I don't like that you're shutting me out, and I know you're lying to me about something. I like that even less. But what I do know is that I love you now and forever. Nothing will ever change that."_

_He hoped beyond anything that she would hold onto those words in the coming months. Because she would find out what he did. He knew she would. She was the smartest person that he had ever met. But hopefully she would be smart enough to see past the facade and know that it was all for her._

It might have been the stupidest decision that he ever made, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it. It might have worked. He might have found the answers that they needed. The only thing that he did regret was not coming to her when he found out that she was in Radley. But it just hurt too much to realize that his double agent status might have been for nothing. He had never once strayed in his loyalty to Spencer, and that might have been his undoing. Because that loyalty cause him to do stupid, irresponsible things like allowing the love of his existence to believe that he was dead.

And now that he was feeling what Spencer must have felt after Mona's sick little game he was regretting his decision even more staunchly. He no longer questioned how she ended up in Radley. He was ready to check in himself. He should have gone to her. He never should have let her feel like this.

"Toby? Are you listening?"

He shook his head, focusing on the coffee table in front of him. Spencer's iPad was sitting up in its case, waiting for them to open the app that displayed the surveillance footage.

Hanna put her hand on the tablet, shifting it so it was face down on the table. "We need to talk about this first. What do we do if we do see -A?"

"We nail their ass to the wall," Caleb replied. "And we find Spencer in the process."

Emily lifted the tablet back up and pressed play. "Everyone shut up. We'll figure out a plan after. Spencer doesn't have time for us to bicker."

He was grateful she said it, because he wouldn't have been quite as nice about it. She ran out of time hours ago. Every other minute they had was critical if they were going to save her.

The time read 7:40 on the bottom right hand corner. "She left us around 7:30," Aria answer the unasked question.

He didn't take his eyes off of the screen. Any second she should walk into her room. He needed to see her. He needed to see that she was real, that his whole relationship with her wasn't just a dream, because this all felt like a sick joke. He always lost the people he cared about. Maybe the world would be better off if he stopped loving people. His mom... and now Spencer.

He was going to ask a question, but it died on his tongue as a tall, solid, black hoodie clad figure walked into her room. His stomach dropped, because it was no longer a suspicion. It was confirmed. -A was behind this. The bitch finally went too far.

But was bitch really the right term? Because there was no way that that was a girl.

"It's not Ali?" Emily breathed. "Oh God, we-"

"Shhh," Aria cut her off. "It still might be. **This **isn't Alison, but it doesn't mean that she isn't involved."

A few seconds later Spencer rushed in, obviously in a hurry. She didn't notice her nightmare waiting for her in the corner. God, baby. Turn around. Look. Defend yourself.

But then she did. She jumped like someone spoke to her and slowly turned around. The fear in her eyes was almost palpable, but what he didn't see was shock or surprise. "She already knew who it would be," he whispered. "She figured it out."

"And that's why -A-" Hanna's words were lost as the figure suddenly lunged at Spencer, throwing her into the wall. Pieces of words splintered where her thin body rammed into the shelving, and trophies rained down on her vulnerable head. All he felt was rage. All he knew was an absolute, all-consuming anger. How dare anyone touch her like that?

"Show your face you bastard," Caleb muttered under his breath.

His rage gave away to tears as -A punched her in the stomach and threw her into another wall. She was so small... so fragile. How much of this could she take. -A hauled her up and dragged her off toward the door, when the camera finally got a shot of his face.

All the air left the room, because they all recognized the face. Most of them had just spoken to him. "Jason?" Emily breathed. "Jason is -A?"


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't even have words. I'm crying. I'm sorry. But stick with me, okay? We're not done yet. This story won't be my longest, BUT there are still several chapters to go. I'M SORRY**

**Happy late Thanksgiving to all my fellow Americans :). Remember to feel gratitude everyday, okay? Because life is pretty awesome.**

**Again, I'M SORRY.**

**Also, sorry for any typos, because I don't have it in myself to proofread this right now and I know you're all waiting for it.**

Chapter 6

Everything was tinged with red. He could see their lips moving, but no sound was coming out. All he heard was a rushing noise in his ears. Everything was clouded with the knowledge that Jason DiLaurentis was the one that hurt Spencer. He put his hands on her. He bruised her delicate skin. He made her _**bleed.**_

**_Jason. _**Her _brother. _He was someone that she trusted, someone that she loved even. Toby had always thought that he was a bit shady, but Spencer defended him so staunchly that every doubt left his mind. She had to have a reason for trusting him so implicitly, because his girlfriend was an inherent skeptic. But whatever that reason was, he betrayed it in the most drastic and violent manner possible.

He closed his eyes, and tried to talk himself down. Killing him wouldn't serve any purpose yet. If they were going to get Spencer back they needed to have a plan. But God, that anger was so hard to push down when he thought about the trust that Spencer had placed in him.

_"I'm just trying to protect Jason!"_

_He grabbed a fist full of his hand and spun around, not wanting her to see him this irate. He never let himself get this angry. And it was almost solely because he was worried about her. It took Spencer being at risk to get this kind of reaction from him. _

_She was lying to him. She was **lying. **And she knew that he knew that she was lying, but she still wouldn't talk to him. She wouldn't let him in, and it was the most infuriating thing that he had ever experienced. Before, when she was dealing with -A, he hadn't known her well enough to see though her like that. But now he did.**  
><strong>_

_Before he thought that she just didn't trust him, but that wasn't it either. Because he could see in her eyes her desire to explain. But she wouldn't. Because she was trying to protect him? Or someone else? Spencer was the most loyal person he had ever encountered. Once someone earned her trust, once they fell under her protection, she would never let them go again. So was it really Jason that she was trying to protect? And from what? Was she in danger? "I think you're the one that needs protecting."_

_His voice was hard; it was the most forceful tone he had ever used against Spencer, and he could tell that she noticed from the way she flinched._

_But he wouldn't take his words back because they were true. Something was going on with her, and it was something that he didn't understand. Because -A was gone; Mona was released from Radley with a clean bill of health. What could she possibly be needing to protect him from now? What was going on?_

_How was he supposed to help her if she didn't even let him know that she was in trouble? But he knew now. It was more than clear, and he would figure out what was going on with her even if he had to do it on his own._

"-tell the police?"

At the mention of the inept police department he focused back on his friends. It was doubtful that they'd help him. In all honesty, it was more likely they'd cite Spencer for filming someone without their consent than arrest Jason for the long list of crimes that he had enacted against the girls.

But Hanna spoke before he could protest. "I'm not sure that's the best idea," she said distractedly. "When have they ever helped us?"

"But they have more resources to find Spencer than we do," Aria protested. "We'll regret it if..." she trailed off, clearly avoiding the same thought that Toby had long since banished from his thoughts. Because she was alright. _She was alright._

He was about to support Hanna's thoughts when his phone rang. His whole body went hot and cold at the same time when Spencer's name flashed across the screen. His finger smashed down on the green button and held the phone to his ear. "_**Spencer**?_" He didn't care where she was or what was going on with her. He didn't care what he had to do or who he had to go through. He would get to her, whatever it took.

At first it was nothing but silence, but then he heard a crash and a gasp of pain. _"Jason, my friends know where I am. They'll be coming."_

All the blood left his face at her pain saturated voice. Oh God. Oh Spencer. He- he should have been there. He should have saved her. The post modern feminist side of her would have cringed at the thought of needing rescued, but that didn't matter. If she was safe nothing mattered. She could have lived her whole life hating him as long as she was safe. That was all that mattered.

A crash and a dull thump filled his ear. _"J-jason."_

What had he done to her? How had he possibly made her voice go that weak that quickly? He saw the video, but it only showed the first few seconds of what was apparently a lengthy attack. He was going to kill him, and he was going to do it with his bare hands.

The dial tone was all he heard. He hung up and doubled over, putting his face in his hands. He ground his palms into his eyes so that swirls appeared in the nothingness. What was he supposed to do? There was no precedent for this. His next move was up in the air, and he had to make the right one for Spencer's sake.

He stood up, ready to just do whatever it took for Jason to confess her whereabouts. Everything else would come later. He just needed her in his arms. But his phone rang again. He apprehensively held it to his face and answered it with equal vigor when he saw that it was Spencer's mom. "Mrs. Hastings?" He breathed into the receiver.

Her sniffling was the first thing that he heard. _"Toby?"_

His heart dropped. Because for as long as he had known Mrs. Hastings he never knew her to show emotion. Not when she was worried about leaving her husband or her daughter was being accused of a murder that she didn't commit. Not when Melissa's shady nature was confirmed or when she found out about the monster that was tormenting her youngest. But now she was crying. "What's wrong?" His voice cracked.

_"Are you still with the girls?"_

He knew that everyone else was still in the room, but they melted away the second he saw Spencer's name on his phone. "Yes. Caleb's here too."

There was a long pause. _"Can you come back here? They found something, and- it's better in person."_

"Mrs. Hastings," he whispered desperately. "Is she okay?"

This pause was even longer than the last. _"Just get here as fast as you can."_

She hung up after that, taking the little bit of sanity that he had been able to hang onto with her. Because if Spencer was okay, if there was good news to tell, then she would have told it.

_He knocked on the front door, hoping that Spencer's parents loosened the reigns enough to let him see her. He totally understood their reluctance, all things considered. But he had just gotten back from London, and even though his first priority was seeing her, holding her in his arms... he also had some information to share. Melissa wasn't there anymore._

_When Mrs. Hastings pulled the door open he tried not to cringe, but he wasn't entirely sure that his efforts were successful. "Hi." He awkwardly shuffled, unsure of what her reaction would be._

_But to his surprise she smiled and beckoned him inside. "Toby! How have you been? Can I take your coat?"_

_"Um, no. That's okay. And I've been fine, thanks for asking." He followed her into the kitchen where she started the coffee pot without asking if he wanted a mug first. He was beginning to think that baptism in coffee was some kind customary Hastings family greeting. _

_Mrs. Hastings sat on the stool across from him. "I assume you're here about Spencer? She's doing **so **much better."_

_He let out a breath that he hadn't even realized that he was holding. That was such a relief, because while he was away he couldn't stop thinking of her deteriorating without him there. Spencer was so smart, but she had a tendency to act without thinking. And the entire time he was in London he worried about what he would come back to and stressed on whether he made the right decision. "I went to London," he blurted out. He had intended upon bringing it up in a better way, but it slipped out in the worst case of word vomit._

_She nodded. "Melissa told us she saw you when she got back."_

_"Excuse me?" He thought back to his awkward conversations with Wren and the apartment that was clearly devoid of any feminine touches, especially those of a Hastings. "Mrs. Hastings, I never saw Melissa."_

_"What?" She looked taken aback, and he had to fight back a smile. There was nothing funny about this situation, but Mrs. Hastings didn't strike him as something easily shocked. "Melissa told us that the only reason she came back was because she spoke with you in London."_

_"That's why I went," he explained, "but I never found her. I spoke to Wren, but he didn't tell me anything. I know it was stupid, but I couldn't handle just sitting here. I had to help Spencer however I could. And I thought, Melissa- I don't know."_

_She shook her head. "No, Toby don't beat yourself up. She really is doing so much better. She's been asking for you though, so I think that she'll be happy to see you." The coffee maker buzzed, indicating that the drink was finished. "What do you take in your coffee?"_

_"Milk and sugar is great." He didn't even want coffee, but he wouldn't turn down her hospitality. Mrs. Hastings was finally accepting him, and he would do nothing to deter her._

_She opened her mouth but shut it again as she caught sight of something over his shoulder. He turned, and his neutral face transformed into a happy smile when he saw Spencer. He didn't even realize how empty he felt until he saw her and suddenly felt whole again. "Hey," he breathed, tugging his hand out of his pocket and opening his arms for her. If he had to go another second without holding her he was going to lose his mind._

_"Hi," she giggled and stepped forward into his waiting arms, clinging at tightly to him as he did to her. And suddenly everything was right in the world again._

He didn't remember explaining to the others, but he must have because the next thing he was aware of was pulling up in front of Spencer's house. He didn't wait for her friends. He dodged past the cops and barged into the house, and he felt light headed when he saw her parents in tears on the couch. Detective Holbrook stood over them with a sympathetic grimace. "_No,_" he breathed. "No, no, no." He grabbed onto something, he didn't even know what. Because if he didn't he was sure to collapse. "No," he murmured, only to himself.

"Toby," Mrs. Hastings whimpered from the couch. "They-" Mr. Hastings took her hand and squeezed it gently, not looking up from the ground.

Detective Holbrook turned to him, apology written all over his face. "We found the body of a young female in the woods off of Route 120."

He let go and slid down the wall. He pulled his legs to his chest, suddenly reminded of the lost little boy that hurt so much after losing his mom. He survived that. He found a way to move past it. But this? If he lost Spencer there was no moving on. He couldn't live in a world without her. He didn't **want **to live in a world without her.

"A young female? So you don't know that it was her?" It was one of the girls, but he was barely listening. How could he? Nothing mattered anymore.

He hesitated. "There was- considerable damage to her face and her body. Fingerprints won't be- they won't be possible based upon her body's damage, and dental records may take a bit of time. But the body type and hair color all match. We're reasonably certain that this is her. I'm very sorry."

"I want to see her," Toby whispered. "I need to see her."

Holbrook shook his head. "That's really not a good idea. She doesn't- look like herself."

He heard the way that Holbrook paused, testing the words out, trying to find the least offensive way to string the words together. But none of that mattered. Even if she _was dead. _Even if he was never going to be able to get her back- he couldn't let her be alone. He wouldn't let her be alone. Not now, not ever.

"I- Mr. Cavanaugh, I can let you see her, but I need you to understand the extent of the damage to her body. Her face is literally covered in bruises, her eyes are swollen shut, there are lacerations all over her body- and it's just not a good idea."

He shook his head. "I don't care. I need to see her." He swallowed harshly. It wasn't for his sake, but for hers.

Holbrook gestured for him to followed him. And as he pulled himself up he let him mind wonder with thoughts of Spencer, the girl that changed his whole life. He thought of the way her hair caught the light. So many people thought brown hair was boring and one dimensional, but Spencer's hair held hues of blonde and red. It was beautiful, soft, and just full of life. He remembered the way her eyes sparkled when she was excited and the way they lit up when she figured out the answer to a question that she struggled with.

But he also remembered the sad things. The way she never felt good enough, and how she tried so hard to please people but still felt that she came up short. He remembered her heartbroken expression as she cried into his arms more than one time. Spencer had been forced to deal with too much, and if she was really- if she was really gone he'd never be able to forgive himself for not protecting her when she needed him the most. He'd never be able to move on from that.

He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to see her like that, but he had too. He owed it to her. She must have been so scared in her last moments, if it was really her. She must have been hurting and afraid. But he could be there for her now.

He exited the police car that he barely remembered getting in and followed silently after Detective Holbrook. The deeper the walked into Rosewood's hospital the greater his anxiety grew. Was this true? Was it her? Because it was incredibly doubtful that they found a body similar to Spencer's that wasn't Spencer. The demons that haunted Rosewood were plentiful, but there were not likely to have murdered two teenage girls similar in appearance over a course of a few days.

The door to the morgue was heavy, and the cold chilled him straight to the bone. But he barely noticed it. His eyes found the lithe body under a sheet on one of the tables. "Mr. Cavanaugh, I downplayed her injuries for her parents. And I would have for you too, but you insisted on being here. Both her cheekbones are broken, which distorts the shape of the face. We found her body in the creek, and as you know, it's been several hours. Her skin is tinged blue beneath the bruises, which makes us believe that she wasn't dead when they dumped her body. She's- just prepare yourself, okay?"

He nodded, never diverting his gaze. He had to do this. Holbrook grabbed the sheet and carefully lowered it so that he could see her face. His stomach immediately twisted. He fell to his knees and emptied his stomach into the small trash can by the table. Over and over again he puked into the basin. Sweat dripped down his forehead and his throat felt raw, yet still he vomited. Over and over again until he didn't know anything else.

The last thing that he wanted to do was look at her again like that, but he owed it to her. He shakily pulled himself back up and looked down at her ruined face. He lifted a trembling hand and ran it down her face. He felt the jagged edges of her shattered cheek bone, the deep laceration on her cheek that must have contributed to the massive blood loss she experienced, her sunken eye sockets. It hurt. It physically hurt to know that she had gone through that level of trauma. He could have stopped it. No one would have hurt her had he been there. He should have listened to his instincts. He _never _should have left her this morning. He never should have left her alone.

It was so wrong, _so wrong, _not to feel her warm breath against his neck as he pulled her close, to feel her heart beating against him, to see the red blush rise beneath his shaking fingers.

He wasn't just crying. Painful sobs worked their way through his entire body. He bent over, covering her torso with his upper body. "I'm so sorry, Spencer. I'm _so sorry."_

"Are you okay?"

Was he kidding? Spencer was _dead._ His only reason for living was dead. He could have stopped it. **He could have protected her. **But instead he failed her again. He would never be okay again. He kissed her cheek, her forehead, her nose, her hairline. He couldn't bring himself to move his lips from her body. He pressed his lips to hers one, two, three times. His lips met her forehead one last time before pulling away with a whimper, already feeling her absence in his life.

He turned away from her body and Detective Holbrook without another word and made his way to the door. His chest hurt, his head hurt, his stomach hurt. He didn't want to leave his room. He wanted to be with Spencer. He just wanted Spencer.

He didn't know what to do. But as he glanced back to look at her body one last time he realized that wasn't true. He knew exactly what to do. He had to take care of Jason, and if that was the last thing he ever did that was fine. He would do that for Spencer.

But first he needed to get to her friends, _their _friends. He'd need their help.


	7. Chapter 7

**Gotta go to work! Review okay!**

**If this chapter gets 15 reviews I will pick my favorite to send a synopsis of my next story to! I think you'll like it :). Leave me theories and favorite parts while i work a TWELVE HOUR SHIFT. okay byeee**

Chapter 7

It was raining. He didn't know when it had started to rain, but as the rain soaked through his clothes and skin he reflected on how it didn't come close to the numbing cold that had encased his heart. Would he ever feel anything again? Anything but pain?

Officer Holbrook had followed after him for a few blocks, but when he saw that he had no intention of acknowledging him he moved on. Which was good. He didn't need witnesses for the breakdown that was sure to follow that experience.

He walked past the road to his and Spencer's spot at Lookout Point, and the first of many sobs slipped from his throat. They'd never again share a private moment overlooking the many monsters of Rosewood.

_Even as she walked away from him he followed her. "Spencer, stop."_

_"Why? So you can criticize my friends some more? Not a chance." She shrugged off his pacifying arm and kept walking toward the road._

_"I just-" He swallowed roughly. "I think you need to consider the possibility that -A is someone close to you. I know your loyalty makes it hard, but how else-"  
><em>

_She suddenly whirled around to face him, nearly causing him to run into her in his haste. She shoved at his chest. "Like you, right? Trust me, nothing would hurt me more than the day you turned around in my kitchen."_

_His face must have shown the guilt that was eating away at his stomach because her face immediately soften. "I'm sorry, Toby." She looked up at him with stubborn tears clinging to her eyelashes. "I didn't mean to bring that up, I just-"_

_"No," he interrupted. "I'm glad you did. Because we've never really talked about it, have we? I know you can see how sorry I am, but maybe you need to hear it too." He shrugged out of his jacket and took a chance, drawing her closer and wrapping it around her narrow shoulders._

_She responded to his touch, leaning into his side. "You don't have-"_

_He interrupted her again. "I think that I do. Because if I didn't you never would have thought to bring it up just then." He gently tugged her back in the direction of their rock. Once they were settled he pressed his face into her hair. "Ask me what you need to know."_

_He could feel her shaking and knew that it wasn't from the cold. The hesitation was driving him crazy, but this was about her and what she needed. Because it was about time he atoned for the sins he committed in November. She leaned deeper into him before speaking. "Would you have ever come back? If I hadn't found you... would I still think that you were dead?"_

_More than anything, he wished he could give her the answer that she wanted to hear. But he wouldn't lie to her, not about this. "I don't know, Spence. It's so much more complicated than that."_

_"It's really not," she murmured into his neck. "either you would have come back to me or you would have stayed with Mona." She pulled away, and the tears in her eyes. "I was so mad at you. But I also still loved you. And I just- I couldn't make my mind compute that you didn't love me. And then I found your body, and I thought you were- you w-were dead and I just- I can't-"_

_"I was scared," he readily admitted, his voice taking on a tone of desperation. "I was **terrified **that she would hurt you if I tried to contact you. And no matter what else you might believe, I did do it for you. I did it so that I could keep you safe, and it may have fail catastrophically, but there was also a chance that it might have worked. And I would have rather you been miserable and safe than with me and in constant danger."_

_She was quiet for a long time. If it weren't for her soft shaking he might have thought that she fell asleep. "I don't need safety, Toby. I just need you."_

He would give anything to fight with her again; to sit with her and hash out in detail their respective mental breakdowns. He would do anything to have her back, because the feeling was mutual. He didn't need safety, happiness or anything else. He just needed Spencer.

The sidewalks were slick, but he wasn't careful. He would welcome a fall. Maybe some cuts and scrapes would take away from the all consuming pain that he felt in his heart. But it was a pointless wish, because nothing could ever hurt this badly. It was an impossibility.

Secretly, he always wondered why Spencer hadn't just taken the helmet off of his body double's head. It would have saved herself a lot of grief and his guilt would have been astronomically lessened. But now he got it. Now he understood. If she didn't see his face there was still doubt. There was still a chance, however small, that he might walk through the door, atoning for his many sins. But if he saw his face there was no coming back from that.

He saw her body. He held it, he kissed it. She was gone. Spencer was gone, and there was no more hope. Spencer always claimed that hope bred eternal misery, but that wasn't true. It would have bred desire, recklessness, and an insatiable desire for the truth. But misery, no? This was misery, and he had no hope. He saw her face, as bruised and marred as it might have been. She was dead.

Suddenly, the street he was walking down hit him with the force of a speeding bus. He shouldn't have come this way. He kept his eyes trained on the ground, determined not to look up and see his loft. The memories that the two of them shared in the tiny space above the Brew were both numerous and irreplaceable. He shouldn't have come this way.

_He heard the door open, and he knew that it must have been Spencer. No one else was trusted enough to have earned unlimited access to his private sanctuary. The scrape of the key in the lock was the telltale sign. But still he stared at his computer screen. He needed to just finish typing this and then he could give her his undivided attention. "Did you talk to you dad about Radley? " He asked her distractedly._

_"Yeah." And the way she said it told him that there was a whole lot more to the story. He lifted his eyes to meet hers in concern, but first they were caught by the small suitcase by the door. What was going on?_

_She smirked at his confusion, but he could still see the sadness tucked within the brown of her eyes. "Mind if I stay here for awhile?"  
><em>

_Did she think that there was any possibility of his refusing? Because he would sooner cut an arm off than watch her suffer. But he couldn't say that to her because her mind would find some way to play tricks on her, to tell her that he way lying. She was highly logical, but when it came to her relationships she flipped on the illogical switch and immediately assumed the worst. No, he had to show her._

_He crossed the room, prepared to take her into his arms. But she beat him to it, crossing the thresh hold of his apartment and into his ready arms. She was far more emotional than she was letting on. He knew it from the second that she walked through the door, but it was confirmed by the trembling of her arms and the way she tucked her face into his neck. He nodded into her, in case it wasn't obvious. He would do anything for her, but she had to already know that. A little stay at his loft wasn't a hardship at all. In fact, he welcomed a more domesticated version of their current relationship. He only wished that she hadn't had to run away for that to happen._

**_Run away. _**_That one innocent thought transported him back to a happier time of oblivion and catty harassment from a mentally ill teenage girl, of the butterflies that erupted in his stomach when he slowly reached for her hand, and the elation he felt when she clutched his fingers as tightly as he hung onto her and promised that she would come to him first if she ever felt like running again._

_But none of that compared to what he felt right now. She listened. She came to him. She trusted him. God, he loved her. And as he held her in his arms he swore to himself that he would do whatever he could to keep her safe, to end this. _

Maybe his biggest regret was keeping -A a secret. Because if he had told, Spencer might have never forgiven him, but that was fine. The Hastings had the resources to protect her. It would have thrown the other girls under the bus; because really could they get anything done without Spencer? She was the brains. It might have made him the world's biggest bastard, but he didn't care. He didn't care what happened to anyone if it meant that Spencer was safe.

Maybe her parents would have sent her away to boarding school. Maine? England? It didn't even matter. They could send her to Siberia, and he would have been alright with it. Maybe she would have road horses. He knew that she loved it, but for as long as he knew her she never mentioned riding. He wasn't sure why, and he had never thought to ask. Maybe she would have joined the field hockey team. Athletics were something she excelled at, and it was good for her to be complemented on something other than her incredible mind. She had no idea just how remarkably unprecedented she was. Maybe she would have made friends that loved her and appreciated everything she did for them. God Hanna, Emily and Aria were incredible right now, but they were also the only ones who could make Spencer feel completely worthless. She expected it from her parents, but when her friends failed her it was a devastating blow. Maybe her life would have been good.

Maybe she would have still been alive.

He could see the Hastings house now, and he saw that everyone was on the lawn. How was he supposed to tell them about this? How was he supposed to let them know how greatly she had suffered? But how could he keep this to himself either? Because it was eating away at his insides like the most corrosive kind of acid. It would literally kill him. Maybe he wanted it to. Because God knew he didn't want to live in a world without her. Maybe it was the only choice.

But he stopped those thoughts, because he knew exactly what Spencer's reaction would be if she heard him thinking them.

_Her hand gripped his almost painfully. But it felt good, because he felt sure that no one would ever accept him after learning about what Jenna did to him. He was sure that everyone would see him as dirty as he felt. But Spencer was still there. "I'm sorry," he whispered finally._

_"What the hell are you apologizing for?" She asked him, not angrily but not kindly either._

_"if I ever thought there was a possibility that I'd find someone like you I would have fought harder. I would have told her no. I would have-" his voice broke. "i would have saved myself for you, and-"_

_She interrupted him with a kiss. "I love you, Toby. I love you as much right this second as I always have." Her hands framed his face. "What Jenna did was **not your fault. **Do you understand? It wasn't your fault. She took advantage of you."_

_"it doesn't matter," he whispered. "I could have stopped her."_

_She leaned into his chest and shook her head. "No baby, no. It wasn't your fault, sweetheart. I love you. I love you so much."_

_"I love you too," he whispered. "You're the only thing that saved me to begin with."_

_"What are you talking about?" She whispered into his neck._

_"I was-" he swallowed harshly, having never admitted this to anyone. "I was ready to- to end everything that day you showed up on my porch."_

_"What-" she started to ask, but she cut herself off as she understood. She wrenched away from him to look into his eyes. "Are you kidding?"_

_He shook his head miserably. It was finally all out there. She knew his most miserable secrets, and if she still wanted him it would be a miracle._

_She whimpered and practically threw herself into his arms, holding him more tightly than he had ever been held. "No, you can't think like that. I'd be lost without you, Toby. You're the one who saves me, every single day. I know you wish you could do more, but you have to see everything that you give me."_

_He leaned into her, letting her take on more of his weight than he usually would. But it felt so good to know that she still loved him. that she cared._

He walked up to her family, preparing to tell them the news that would destroy their hope. But he had to share. He had to. And then he had to get the girls alone, because he would avenge Spencer's death if it was the last thing that he ever did. She saved him. He couldn't save her, but he would make her death mean something. Her research, the answers she found, they wouldn't be in vain.


	8. Chapter 8

**I have to go to work, but here you are. **

**Cliffy at the end, PROMISE YOU I was going to leave you with one that was much worse, so GRATITUDE please. URGH. okay I DON'T WANNA WORK, I'm tired. Anyway yeah. Review, because if this gets to 110 I'll probably die in a good way :)**

**LOVE YOU.**

Chapter 8

TPOV

It had been a week since he had taken his last breath, or so it felt. His rage blinded him from the truth, which was that Jason was probably expecting them. As Aria pointed out the minute he pitched his plan, it would be better served to wait a few days.

_"Did you see her?" Emily whispered, as soon as he was back with them._

_He nodded, the knot in his throat making it impossible to speak. The thought of her body on the table caused a single tear to run down his cheek. It hurt. It physically hurt all over. His heart wasn't there anymore. It was just a black hole._

_Hanna's tears start to flow again. "And it was really her?"_

_"I think so," he rasped out. "It- there was a lot of damage. But the rest looked like her."_

_"What do we do now?" Caleb looked close to tears himself. Caleb and Spencer's relationship always slipped his mind, because they didn't seem likely to form a friendship. But they had. Because Spencer knew what it was like to lose something, to spend your whole life not quite fitting in with the people that were supposed to be your family. She knew what it felt like to have money, and helped Caleb learn to make the most of it. They were friends in the truest sense._

_"We go take care of Jason." For the first time in hours he knew what he'd be doing next, and he'd do it with or without them. Because honestly? If the rest of his life felt like this death would be a relief._

_Aria put a restraining hand on his arm. "We need a plan Toby."_

_"Like hell we do!" His voice finally gaining some volume. "Besides, I do have a plan. I'm going to kill him."_

_Aria stepping in front of him, putting both hands on his chest. "We need to think this through, Toby. -A has made us all look guilty before, but even more than that. Jason will see this coming. If we're going to get back at him we need to **have a plan."**_

_She was right. Of course she was right, but it didn't make it any easier to hear... to accept. He slid down the rough bark of a nearby tree and buried his face in his hands. How was he supposed to get by without Spencer?_

He was staying at the cabin with Caleb. He couldn't bear to go back to the loft, and he didn't think that he ever would be able to again. He hadn't moved from the couch in days, but today he was pulling his boots on at 6 am. It was finally time. His chest ached as his phone buzzed. He knew it would be Emily.

_Are you ready? xo Em_

He typed back a quick affirmative and shouldered his way through the front door.

* * *

><p>He looks up at the ominous DiLaurentis house with Caleb and Hanna by his side. He didn't know if it was so solemn because of the atrocities that had occurred within the walls and because of the house's inhabitants or if it was just because of the architecture. But even looking at the house scared the hell out of him.<p>

"We go in, we look for evidence, and then we get out," Caleb repeated his plan from the middle. But he wasn't looking at Hanna. He was looking straight at him. "Don't do anything stupid, Toby. We'll find a way to avenge Spencer, but you know as well as I do she would kill you herself before she let you go to jail; especially for her."

Caleb was right, but that didn't change how Toby would react if he saw Jason. And he knew that Caleb would be reacting the same way if it had been Hanna instead of Spencer. They knew they'd have at least a ten minute warning as Emily and Aria kept an eye on Jason from a distance.

"If you were a creepy perv where would you hide your incriminating documents?" Hanna mused, an attempt at humor that fell kind of flat.

"I think we should check Ali's room," Caleb suggested. "Everything always seems to go back to that bitch."

He nodded, letting them take the lead. He was terrified over what they might find inside. He didn't know why. It was like his heart was pulling him into the house, but his mind was dreading what he might find. But what could be worse than what he already found? He followed them in.

He hadn't breathed since Spencer died, at least that's what it felt like. If he hadn't had this revenge to hang onto he never would have made it to begin with. This was all that was keeping him going. The cold wind chill his body, but it was okay because his outside finally matched what he felt on the inside.

"Are you doing alright?" Hanna asked him softly as they entered the house.

He just shook his head. "Not even a little bit."

She gave him a halfhearted smile. "Me either."

He sighed and glanced out the large picture window at the Hastings' house a few hundred feet away. His eyes snagged on the window he sat at with Spencer. It felt like a lifetime ago.

_"I like having you here."_

_He hesitated, asking the question that had been plaguing him since Spencer first started showing an interest. "Because it makes a statement to your parents?"_

_She looked at him like he was crazy. "No, because I like having you here."_

_"Look," apparently it was a day for sharing what you were feeling. Because she was making a terrible choice right now, he was sure of it. "I know you asked me to keep Jenna distracted, and I'll do what you ask, but I wish I was going with you tonight."_

_"You're helping me by finding out if she's involved," she insisted._

_Jenna was a lot of disgusting things, he knew that first hand. But he didn't think that she was involved in whatever Spencer was dealing with now. It wasn't her style at all. "Yeah, but-"_

_She shook her head, pulling herself off of the bed. "Listen, I've never had a safe place to land before, but now I feel like I do. So I want you to stay safe."_

_Didn't she realize what it did to him when she said things like that? Spencer was a guarded person by nature. She didn't let anyone in. But she was finally admitting that she trusted him... that she cared what happened to him. He **knew **she did. But to hear her say it outloud? It wasn't something he'd soon forget_

He looked down at his phone, seeing a text from Emily. _J.'s with Dr. Pervert._

"Apparently Jason and Wren are together?" His statement came out more a question than anything. Why were those two together? "Do they even know each other?"

"They're the same age? But that's the only connection I can think of."

A floorboard creaked somewhere into the house. He immediately followed the sound. "Toby," Hanna hissed, grabbing for his sleeve and missing. It didn't matter, he could have pulled away from her.

When he saw the familiar blonde hair he saw red, pushing the thin blonde into the wall. He wanted to rip her head off, but even still, he wasn't willing to hurt a girl. "What the fuck, Alison," he growled.

"Alison?" Hanna sounded angry, but she also sounded betrayed, and he didn't blame her. Alison had screwed the girls over more times than anyone one person could count. "I thought that you left."

She hesitated. "I tried. I tried to go back to New York, but he stopped me."

"Who?" Toby demanded, tightening his grip on her shoulder. "Jason?"

She just looked at him for a long second. "You need to go to the basement, Toby." Right now her eyes were full of an emotion that was unrecognizable in Alison DiLaurentis' cool blue eyes. Was it remorse? Guilt? Concern? All he had ever seen was jeering contempt, which might have been why he didn't care what she had to say now.

He rolled his eyes. "You need help carrying your suitcase upstairs so you can abandon your friends again? Tell me what your brother did to Spencer."

"I'm telling you," she persisted. "everything that you need to know is in the basement. Go."

"I'll go," Hanna offers. "You keep her here, Toby. She might be working with Jason. We were never really able to figure out what side of the fence she was on."

"I never meant to hurt you, Hanna. It was all in the interest of ending this forever," She really seemed guilty. It made no sense. Was Alison DiLaurentis for them or not?

"You _literally _got Spencer arrested." She dismissed the other blonde's apology with a wave of her hand. "I'll be right back."

Caleb looked at him. "_We'll _be right back."

Toby just nodded. Alison wasn't going anywhere, and he didn't have any desire to see whatever she was talking about. He just wanted to find the evidence and get out of here. Because he saw Spencer here too. He had never been in the DiLaurentis house before, but he could just picture five younger girls giggling throughout this house, not anticipating the storm that was to come.

"You're going to want to go down there, Toby."

"Shut up," he hissed harshly. He didn't care what she had to say. She was lucky he didn't knock her out where she stood. She could have prevented **all of this. **She should have just been honest. Maybe then Spencer would still be alive.

"Toby!" Hanna shouted from down in the basement. "Get your ass down here!"

He looked at Alison. "What the hell did you do?"

"Nothing," she insisted. "it wasn't me. And if there was ever any real danger I would have let you guys know."

He dropped her like she was on fire. He had never been more disgusted with any other human being. She had every opportunity to protect her friends, to protect the girls that had literally risked everything for her, but she avoided it at every turn. She did what she had to do to protect herself, and threw everyone she had to under the bus. "Go, Alison. We're all better off without you here."

He turned and walked down to the basement. The lights were bright. "What's going on, guys?'

"Toby, hold on." Caleb caught his chest and held him back. "If this about gave me a heart attack you're going to freak out. So take a second and prepare yourself."

He glanced over Caleb's shoulder and saw a small figure huddled up on the couch. His heart literally skipped a few beats as he stumbled forward, dropping to his knees next to her. He took her face in his trembling hands, tilting it into the light so that he could see her. Some kind of oxygen mask type thing covering from her nose to her chin. But there was no mistaking her. "Spencer," he breathed.

Her face was cold, freezing actually. And there were bruises, far more than he was comfortable with; but it was nothing like the body he saw last week. He didn't know who that poor girl was or what unimaginable horrors that she had to deal with. But he was sending prayers of thanks to whoever was listening that it hadn't been Spencer. She was okay. She was _alive._

He shook her gently, brushing her hair out of her face. "Spencer?" He breathed desperately. "Spence, wake up."

"Try taking that mask off," Caleb suggested quietly.

He nodded, gently pulling it off of her face, being carefully not to snag her hair in it. He brushed the hair out of her face and looked down at her intently, a red ring around her bruised face where the mask had been sitting for awhile. He watched her face, looking for any signs of life. "Maybe-"

"Already called 911," Hanna supplied. "Well, Em did after I sent her a text."

He nodded, starting to feel like that was his only form of communication. She still didn't move, causing worry to course through his veins like ice. "We have to go," he whispered. He had to get her out of here. They could figure everything else out in a minute. They just had to get out of here first. Just across the street and into the Hastings house. That's as far as they had to get before they were safe.

He tenderly put one arm behind her shoulders and swept the other one below her knees. He held her protectively against his chest. But before he could take a single step toward the door two things happened. Spencer moaned in his arms, nuzzling her face into his neck. And heavy footsteps sounded above their heads. They were much too heavy to be Alison's. They weren't alone anymore.

His eyes traveled from Hanna to Caleb and back to Spencer. He lingered on her face for a long moment. He had to protect them all.


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter is short, confusing and meant to give you a few answers all while confusing you further. Which is why you get it so fast :). Enjoy. ALSO 115 FREAKING REVIEWS?! UM WHAT?!**

**And sorry if some of the lines between seconds disappear? I tried to fix it but FF is screwing with my formatting. But I think it's pretty obvious. A Colorless Sunrise will be up in the next couple days, then the next chapter of this!**

Chapter 9

SPOV

Everything was hazy. Her whole body hurt as she tried to pry her eyes open. She felt cold. Her lips were trembling uncontrollably, and there was a searing pain in her right arm.

"Why the hell did you go so far?"

"I _know, _okay? I didn't want to hurt her, but I had to make it realistic. I couldn't let _her_ do it instead."

Jason? And the other voice was familiar, but she could quite place it.

"I just don't-"

"Can you fix her or not? Because I'll take her to the hospital if I have to."

"No, I can. You're just lucky you called me first, because if I hadn't brought-"

**_Wren? _**She was pretty sure that it was him, but everything was hazing out again. Loud rushing filled her ears as she once again lost consciousness.

* * *

><p>"We have to let her go, Jason!"<p>

Someone, she assumed that it was Jason, coughed. "We can't, Alison. You _know why. _We'll keep her safe until we figure something else out."

"How are you going to keep her? Because God knows the second she wakes up she's going to want to go let Toby and the other three know she's okay."

Alison? Was she just going to get visits from all of the, so called, -A team? Because this would be very illuminating. But Alison was right, because if Toby saw that blood... if he saw the damage to her house... he was going to think she was irreparably damaged. And she couldn't let him think that. Hadn't he gone through enough in his life? He didn't deserve this. She had to let him know that she was okay.

She pried her eyes open, blinking wildly. Everything was just a blur.

"Wren brought something from the hospital. He said we can use it to keep her under, and-"

Alison's blue eyes flashed to her face. "And you better break it out, because she's awake."

Jason stepped into her line of vision, looking down at her with remorse. "I'm so sorry, Spencer. I didn't want to hurt you, but this is literally the only way to keep you safe."

"W-what-" Spencer chokes out, but she's cut off by a large mask being placed over her face. Her eyes almost immediately feel heavy.

Jason put a hand on her forehead. "Trust me," he murmured. "Trust me, you'll be alright, okay?"

She just blinked, her eyes slowly rolling back in her head and the world growing dark.

* * *

><p>The first thing she felt cool hands on her face before she heard anything. "I just don't understand why you had to do all of this?"<p>

"I told you," Jason muttered to Wren. "She told me to, and if she was watching and I hadn't made it realistic she would have known."

"Right, I get that. But I was literally scared that I wouldn't be able to save her. It's been three days and I've just now got her stabilized."

Who knew that Wren actually cared about her? But it didn't matter, because he could have told her friends where she was. He could have told Toby. But still he was here, helping Jason.

"I know, and I don't think I've felt worse about anything in my life. But you know what she has on me, Wren."

Wren shuffled something around. "I know. We just have to keep trying."

* * *

><p>"Listen, I saw them today," Alison insisted.<p>

She didn't know how long it was between these little moments of clarity, but she figured it was a decent chunk of time. To her it felt like no time at all.

"You saw who?" Jason asked like he already knew the answer.

"The Easter Bunny, who do you think?"

Jason hesitated. "Was she with them?" He sounded concerned. But she couldn't tell for sure without seeing his face. Her brother had always been a hard one to read.

"Obvi, but don't worry. I was wearing my wig. Jason," Alison paused. "you know you have to let her go, right?"

"What do you care?" He took on a hard edge. "You haven't been there for any of them since it all started."

"I know," she persisted. "I know, and I won't apologize for it. It kept me alive. But Spencer was there for me even when she thought I was dead and when she thought I was betraying them all these years. Her doubts didn't matter. She still always tried to help me. Just call Toby. He'll help you. Make up a story or something. The idiot's a love sick puppy. He'll do anything to see her again, I'm sure."

"Not yet," Jason finally said. "We need to think of something better."

* * *

><p>There were no voices, at least not for a long time. She thought that maybe she was alone.<p>

"Who was the other girl? The one they found?" Wren's voice was tight.

"You finally ask," Jason muttered bitterly. "I didn't do it, if that's what you're wondering. She did the night before. I just took advantage of the situation so I didn't have to hurt Spencer any more than I already had."

"Who was she?" Wren asked again.

Jason was surprised. "You mean you don't already know? Melissa never told you?"

She was learning so much. Wren's tone of voice told her that he was a reluctant participant in this whole -A game. Jason's suggested a deeper involvement, but a reluctance for actually hurting anyone. Had he said something about blackmail?

And Jason's answer told her exactly who the other girl was. The thought made her stomach twist unpleasantly.

* * *

><p>Hands were on her face. But these hands were far more gentle than any other hands had been. "Spencer? Spencer, open your eyes."<p>

_Toby._

She struggled to pry them open, because he sounded near tears. He should never cry. Tears didn't belong on the face of an angel. But it wouldn't work. She couldn't make her body work.

"Try taking the mask off," Caleb's voice suggested. He was there too?

With the most tender and gentle hands imaginable the light pressure was lifted from her face, and it was suddenly like she could breath again. Everything immediately felt lighter. Toby was talking, but the blood rushing to her ears drowned it out.

But she felt it as he lifted her into his arms. For the first time in, however long it had been, she felt safe. Nothing could hurt her while Toby had her; he had proven that again and again. But even more than that, she felt home. She was back in the place that she belong.

Her vocal chords twisted, producing a garbled groan, something that was sure to get their attention. She felt her body move on its own, into his chest.

Almost. She was almost there.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is shorter, but you all know how much I love cliffies. This was never going to be my longest story! I'm guessing maybe 3 chapters to go? 4 maybe?**

**Go check out my new story They Take Their Shots, We're Bulletproof if you haven't yet! It's pretty great :)**

**Let me know what you think, okay! ALSO PLL DAY IM SO EXCITED.**

Chapter 10

TPOV

His eyes darted around wildly. He had truly never felt desperation on this level. How was he supposed to get them out of here? Would he never be enough to keep Spencer safe?

He glanced back at Hanna. "Hanna, I'm going to set her down, okay? Keep a hold of her, and I'll do my best to keep them back."

She nodded silently, settling back against the couch, holding her arms out. He dropped a kiss to Spencer's forehead and placed her small, limp body on the couch next to Hanna before turning to the face the stairs. Whatever he faced, whatever came down those stairs, he'd do everything in his power to make sure that Spencer was safe.

But his shoulders immediately sagged in relief as he saw Emily poke her head around the corner. "Oh thank God. You guys are okay?"

"Minus the flipping heart attack, guys! Announce yourselves next time," Hanna whined from the couch.

"Aria, entering the basement," Aria snorted, coming around the corner behind Emily. "So she's alive?"

He turned without bothering to answer, gathering Spencer back against him. She was starting to shift slowly, and that had his full focus. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and peppered soft kisses along her hairline. She was alive. _She was alive. _He wanted to scream and laugh and cry all at the same time, but that could wait until later. They had to get out of this house.

"Spencer," he whispered, his voice cracking. "Please Spence, just open your eyes."

_She didn't always tell him when he was in trouble; for whatever reason, she kept her secrets. And most of the time he suspected that it was because she had some misguided need to protect him. Somehow she missed how he didn't want to be safe if it meant that she was putting herself in danger._

_But this time he suspected her reasoning was different. He suspected that she was embarrassed, and it killed him. She didn't have to be embarrassed with him. She should realize by now that she couldn't do anything to scare him away. Although, he did understand. It wasn't as though he wanted her to see him at his worst either. He knew that she loved him, but she didn't have to carry his tonnage of emotional baggage._

_When she came to his door, cronuts in hand and apology in her eyes, he knew that something had changed, that something had clicked in her mind. "Spencer, how am I supposed to help you if I don't even know you're in trouble?"_

_"I know, Toby. I get it. If it were you..." she said softly. She looked terrible with skin so pale it was almost translucent, and heavy bags under her eyes._

_He took a step forward, so close they were practically touching. He wanted to hold her, to kiss away every fear and insecurity that made her somehow feel that taking **drugs **was a good solution. He wanted to fix every problem in her life. But he had the distinct impression that this was something she'd have to figure out for herself. "Promise me," he breathed, knowing he had to try, "that you will call me if you get the urge to take pills again."**  
><strong>_

_"I'm done with that," she said earnestly._

_He wished that he believed her, but he knew that it wouldn't be so easy. He just had to be there for her, that's all he could do. He had to remind her that nothing she could ever do would be enough to push him away. He was there for the long haul._

He was going to give her ten more seconds. Ten seconds and then he would get her out and worry later. "I don't know what you've gone through, Spence; but I promise you that you're safe now. No one's going to hurt you." They'd have to go through him first, and he was pretty positive that in his rage he could lift a car over his head.

"Toby, man, we have to go. Just carry her, and we can wake her up over at her house," Caleb's voice was sympathetic but firm.

He wanted to argue, but he knew he was right. They had to go. He bundled her body against his chest and gestured for Caleb to go first. He then let the girls follow, and he took the rear. "Did you guys see Alison when you came down here?"

Emily shook her head, something flashing in her eyes. "She was here?"

"Yeah," he muttered. "And I'm not sure what her game was. Because I'm pretty sure she was directing us down to Spencer."

"I never really thought she was -A," Emily said softly. "but she definitely knows something, and that's enough to make it unforgivable."

"Sorry you feel that way, Em."

He was pretty sure that they all jumped at the sound of Alison's voice from a side room, and it was made worse by the fact that she wasn't alone. Jason and Wren flanked her sides like two comic book henchmen.

Wren smirked. "Did you think we didn't see you two watching us? When you tore out of the parking lot like your pants were on fire we figured we had better come and see what you found so interesting."

"Looks like they found our little secret," Jason said softly. His eyes weren't on Spencer, though. He couldn't quite see what Jason was looking at, but it wasn't what he expected.

"Looks like you guys messed up again," Aria snapped, mimicking Jason's words.

"Aria-" he said slowly, cutting himself off, looking wildly at all of them.

She might have said something, he didn't know. He was distracted by Spencer's hand grasping at his shirt. His eyes whipped down to her face so quickly that his neck cracked. When he saw that her eyes were opened he let out a quiet sob, the tears that he hadn't realized he was holding back flowing freely down his face. Before, he heard her breathing and he felt her heart beating, but he hadn't seen her eyes. It was what he needed to truly know that this was real. She was alive. "Spence," he whispered with a soft kiss to her hairline. "Oh God, Spence."

Her eyes were obviously still heavy, her eyelids laying hooded over eyes. Her hands on his shirt were unrelenting, pulling him down. He dropped her to her feet, still fully supporting her weight, and leaned down with his ear near her mouth. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"It's not him," she rasped out. "J-jason- he isn't -A."

"What are you talking about? He-"

She weakly shook her head, her voice gaining a bit of strength with every word. "He's like M-mona. Someone's using him."

"How do you know that, Spencer?" Jason asked.

He hadn't realized it, but the room went silent at the sound of her voice. Jason was looking nervous now, sharing a side glance with Wren.

She let out a rasping, painful sounding cough. Her body doubled forward. He tightened his grip on her, and her arms wound around his bicep. "She needs a real hospital," he said slowly. Wren might have been good at what he did, he didn't know. But he was just a resident, and he had no medical equipment to treat her. He _had _seen the blood in her house, and she had to have had underlying injuries.

"Yeah," Jason said softly, his eyes flickering to the other girls again. "But seriously Spencer, how do you know that I'm not -A?"

"The drugs you gave me," she explained breathlessly. "They didn't keep me out all the time. It- it was like I went in and out of consciousness."

Jason shot Wren an accusing glare who just shrugged. "I must have got the dosage wrong. It's hard when you don't know how much someone weighs."

"Oh my God," Aria's voice had taken on a tone he had never heard before. "You dumbasses can't even drug a teenage girl without screwing it up."

He wasn't the only one who noticed Aria's perplexing vocal change. "What the hell, Aria?" Hanna rose her eyebrows.

Aria dramatically rolled her eyes and pushed past Emily to take a place next to Alison. What she was saying didn't matter. What did matter was the shiny glint of a handgun held haphazardly in her right hand. "I'm tired of playing this game."

His hands tightened around Spencer, twisting slightly and pushing her behind them so that he was between her and the gun. Because she couldn't get shot. He wouldn't let that happen. The way her face turned into his back and the weight of her leaning against him scared him. How badly was she hurt? He eyed the gun in Aria's hand. There would be time to feel betrayed later. Right now he had to get them out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry. This chapter was weirdly sucky for me, which is why it's taken so long :/. Hope you all like it more than I do.**

**To everyone asking about the job, I haven't heard back yet. But I'm not giving up hope! Today is only the first day I should have heard back from them by. But everyone I asked says I should give them a week past what they told me, so that's what I'm going to do! :)**

**Sidenote, in the mean time I'm getting started on a Teach for America application, because I've recently decided that I want nothing more than to make a difference for kids who weren't as lucky as me. My family was by no means rich, but God, I've had some incredible teachers and opportunities. And my education? I am a better person because of it, and everyone deserves that chance. Lol. So if updates are slow that's why.**

**Second sidenote, I haven't proofread this. I should, but I'm lazy. PLEASE forgive any typos, kay?**

**ALSO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I'm tired of reading my own freaking stories when I need a spoby fix. Someone please write me a story lol. Or direct me towards a semi-decent one that gets updated on a semi-frequent basis and isn't about a teenage pregnancy. Or really pregnancy in general**

Chapter 11

TPOV

He felt her shaking. He didn't know if it was from the cold, her injuries, fear, or any other innumerable sources. What he did know was that none of the possibilities were good, and he wouldn't stand for her suffering for another second.

"Listen-" he tried to begin, but Aria immediately swiveled in his direction.

She waved the gun haphazardly in his direction. "I think the one with the gun gets to do the talking, don't you?"

He felt Spencer's hand fisting the fabric of his shirt as she pulled herself straighter, and that had his full attention. He turned his back on Aria, content that if he went out it would be looking at Spencer. And really, was there any better way? "Relax," he insisted, one arm steady around her waist and the other on her face.

She looked considerably better, but her translucent skin was causing him undo levels of anxiety. She just shook her head and craned her neck past him. He tightened his arm, restraining her in case she got any stupid ideas. "Is this a joke?" She murmured, her voice as cold and hard as he had ever heard it. An outside observer would think that she didn't care. But he knew better. He knew _Spencer _better. She was hurt.

And Aria should have known that too. She probably did know, and that was the greatest tragedy of all of this. Aria wasn't just a bystander to the struggles that the girls had endured, seemingly as a team, over the last two years. She was a trusted member of the inner circle. She was a member of their family, in the truest sense. And she betrayed them.

It wasn't like this was a complete surprise. He had suspected it once, but vocalizing those concerns had been the catalyst the greatest fight that he and Spencer had ever had.

_"It has to be someone that you trust, Spencer! You're the smartest person that I've ever met. You have to see that, right?" He sounded frustrated, but it was much less frustrated than he was feeling. Why couldn't she see what was obvious?_

_"You're wrong," she said simply, pulling her hair into a pony tail and slipping her feet into her tennis shoes. They were supposed to go for a run. The doctors said that once they removed his cast he would need to maintain a consistent level of physical activity, and of course Spencer offered to help. But it was the last thing that was on his mind right now._

_He wasn't sure how their friendly chatter got switched to an -A related discussion, but it had. And the discussion quickly turned heated, because he was trying to push her to see the one thing she was ignoring. One of her friends could very well be -A. He didn't think that it was Emily. She was the most loyal person that he had ever met. But it had to be considered that maybe she was placing her loyalty to Alison over her loyalty to her other friends. Hanna Marin was about as transparent as one got; but furthermore he really doubted that she framed her own mother or hit herself with a car, despite the fact that it would be the best alibi ever. That left Aria. Aria, who nothing bad had happened to, besides getting stuck in a box with a corpse; something that -A never took credit for. "Aria-"_

_She whirled around, her eyes flashing. "You're not going to accuse one of my best friends of this, Toby. You're just not. You have no idea- the things we've been through together, when no one else was there."_

_"Only because you wouldn't let anyone else in!" He interjected. "I would have been there for you from day one, and you have to know that."_

_"I wasn't ready for you to be! I was worried about protecting you. But that isn't even the point. The four of us, we've been a team... a unit. As long as we had each other that was all that mattered. And to suggest that one of us was -A the whole time? It would be the worst kind of betrayal, and I just don't think any of them are that cruel. I know I'm cynical, but- but I just-" She trailed off, looking near tears. _

_It wasn't enough to make him rethink anything but this argument. He was certain that -A was someone close to her. But all of his anger wilted away at the tears in her eyes. He took a step forward and bundled her against his chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I still think that I'm right, but I'm sorry for pushing it. Just keep your eyes open, okay? I need you to stay safe."_

_"I trust her, Toby. I trust all of them with my life, same as I trust you."_

_Maybe he shouldn't say it, but it was something she needed to hear. "I know that, sweetheart. But you have to remember that I was able to fool you too. It was all an act, but I was still playing the -A game without you being aware. Is it so hard to believe that someone else is doing the same thing?"_

_She just shook her head into his chest. And he would drop it for now, but that didn't mean he would stop his vigilant watch over everyone in her life. He would protect her no matter what it cost him. She was the most important thing._

The girls were standing in silent shock as he and Caleb exchanged worried glances. "How did you manage to be -A without getting caught?" He finally asked, his back still to Aria. He kept his eyes trained on Spencer, his hands steadying and soothing her.

"You know, I'd reiterate that gun thing, but I've been waiting a long time to brag about this."

Spencer's eyes were fluttering shut, and he couldn't let that happen. Who knew how hard she had hit her head? "Spence," he murmured. "Open your eyes."

She groaned but complied, leaning into him. "I'm alright," she whispered. But she wasn't, and they all knew it.

"Stop flirting and turn around," Aria demanded. Her words weren't so serious, but her tone told them that she wasn't joking.

He looked at Spencer, waiting for her to nod in approval. Because honestly, if she was hesitant he would have wrapped her in his arms and dived behind the couch, hoping for the best. But he knew she would want answers, that she would need answers. So he tightened both arms around her and turned them to face Aria. Spencer's head was pressed into his chest, and he ran a gentle hand up her back and tangled it in her hair, securing her against him.

Maybe he was being cavalier about the gun, but honestly, he knew he could protect Spencer. He didn't care what he had to do, because he lost her once. He knew what it felt like, and he was never going there again. He buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent.

"Okay," Aria sighed. "I didn't want to hurt you guys at first. It was all about this bitch," she jerked her head in Alison's direction. For the first time in his life he saw Alison shrink. "My whole life, my whole _fucking _life, she made me feel inadequate. She made me feel worthless, and like I was never good enough-"

"She did that to all of us," Spencer mumbled.

Aria swung wildly to look at her, her fingers tightening on the gun's stalk. "No, you're right. But you always defended Hanna when she called her fat, and you defended Emily when she teased her about liking girls, even though we didn't really understand it. But you never defended me, Spencer."

He tensed, ready to move her out of the way, but Hanna struck up the defense. "She didn't have too! She shouldn't have had to, not for any of us. But you never got it that bad anyway, Aria. Because what was there to make fun of you for? You had a good family, decent grades, you were pretty, and you literally just had everything you wanted."

Emily nodded vigorously. "I was a closeted lesbian, Hanna carried a little extra weight, Spencer had to deal with her family. You had your troubles, but you certainly didn't take the brunt of the teasing. But seriously, we would have done anything for you. _Anything._" His friend looked close to tears, and he wished he could comfort her, but he was using his full focus on keeping Spencer upright and his eyes on the gun.

"It doesn't matter. Someone," Aria's eyes swiveled back to Spencer, "once told me that we can't quantify pain. That it all demands to be felt. And I- it just hurts. Every single day."

"So you tortured us for years because we didn't stop Alison from teasing you on occasion? Just to be completely clear." Somehow his semi-conscious, back from the dead girlfriend managed to maintain her sass.

"No, I tortured you _because I could." _Her voice got cold again. "It started off as a little payback for all the shit you put me through. But I planned on ending things the night you found Ian's body. You thought that -A was dead. I could have got off free, but then Emily had to piece together that stupid suicide note."

"But if you didn't want us to catch you then why did you write it like that?" Hanna asked.

"I didn't. It was Mona. That bitch was always trying to get caught," she rolled her eyes.

Spencer sucked in a deep breath, obviously trying to put a bit of strength behind her words. "You were never in Iceland, were you?"

Aria smirked and nodded in approval. "Always the smart one. I was in Radley. That's were Mona and I hatched our plan. We had already gotten rid of Ali, and we decided that you three deserved some payback too."

"Mona wasn't _in _Radley then, Aria," Hanna snapped, clearly still feeling protective over her recently deceased friend.

"You were at your dad's, Han," Spencer said softly, not moving. "She might have been."

Aria nodded. "She was. And she hated you bitches as much as I did. Except not Hanna. She didn't hate Hanna, and I think that's the only reason she ended up helping you in the end."

"Did you kill her?" Emily asked softly, not even looking at her really. Her eyes were on the ground.

He was feeling for all of the girls, he really was. This had to have been a devastating blow. But he was impatient for the small talk to end, because he was absolutely certain that this explanation wasn't the extent of Aria's plans for them. She wouldn't be spilling her guts about the game she worked so hard to keep quiet for years if she didn't have some kind of end game plan.

Aria jerked her head in Jason's direction. "That one did. And he was supposed to do the same to Spencer, but apparently he's inadequate in every aspect."

"She's my sister, Aria," Jason replied softly.

"_Why?_" Spencer implored. "Why would you want to kill me, Aria? I get that I might not have been there for you when we were younger, but I was _scared. _I stood up for Hanna and for Emily because they needed me too, but I thought you were strong enough to handle it."

"Don't give me the team Sparia, shit." Her hands were so tight around the gun that her knuckles were turning white. "You never cared about me. You never cared about anything other than outsmarting the only bitch in the room that was smarter than you, _**me. **_I outsmarted you for years, Spencer. But you were catching on, and I knew that you were the only one that could figure it out. I had to get rid of you before you ruined everything." She paused. "Although, you managed to ruin it anyway."

Sometimes during her soliloquy Alison and Wren disappeared but Jason remained behind. Whether it was because he was more deeply involved or because he felt some degree of responsibility for their current circumstance he didn't know.

"Aria, I-"

"_No!_" She screamed, punctuating her shouts with the banging echo of the gun dislodging.

Spencer flinched violently in his arms. He twisted, covering her with his body, but it was unnecessary. The bullet went into the ceiling, plaster raining down on them. "Aria, just let us go. We won't tell anyone, okay? Just stay away from us and we won't tell." He had to try, but he knew that it wouldn't be that easy.

She shot again, this time at the wall behind them. He didn't look, but it must have hit the window. The tinkling noise of shattered glass bouncing off the floor filled his ears. His eyes shot to Caleb, who had Emily and Hanna on the ground. There were tears, scream... but he didn't hear any of it. After a third bullet shot through the couch he pulled Spencer to the ground and into the space between the bookshelf and the wall. He was sticking out, but she was safe and that was all that mattered to him.

She was pulled on his shirt, trying to get him down. He hunched over her, most of his body pressed against hers. But they were both as covered as they could get. The gun dislodged again and again and again.

Screams... shouts... things falling to the floor...

He had never been so afraid before, with the exception of finding Spencer's blood in her house. Because right now he had her. And there was no way anyone or anything was ever going to hurt her again. He would take fifty bullets before he let one touch her.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry guys, this isn't an update. But I unfortunately need to maybe put my stories on a two week hiatus. My laptop screen has, through a series of unfortunate events broken in a few places. And I can't afford to replace it immediately. But I want to give you all a few options, because I've noticed that I'm one of the only Spoby authors still updating regularly.

1. Accept the 2+ week hiatus, and know that I WILL ABSOLUTELY be posting again ASAP.

2. I can still write on my iPad. It will be slower, and there might be typos. But if you're willing to deal I am too.

I'm only posting this in this story because I'm trying to stay off my computer as much as possible. But this goes for all my stories!

Let me know in a review!


	13. Chapter 13

**Stole my moms computer so you guys could have something to tide you over, worst case scenario. But I'll keep working on my ipad. I wouldn't have offered if I minded, sillies.**

**SO review, okay? It'll make me feel better about my busted lap top :(.**

**Next chapter will be this stuff from Toby's POV. I AM SO SORRY about the cliffy at the end. But I'm not. The only reason I'm sorry is because of the little wait.**

**OKAY LOVE YOU. Review.**

Chapter 12

SPOV

It was like everything was happening whilst half asleep, in that space between dream and awake. Guns exploding. The scratching of wood against her bare arms. Toby's toned body pressed into her weak, shaking one. Jason might not have killed her, but he had done some significant damage. Her injuries combined with the lingering effects of the drugs that she had been kept under with were keeping everything blurry.

Was this even happening? Because it was easier to believe that her mind was playing tricks on her than it was to believe that Aria had been the one betraying them all along.

Even still, she tugged at Toby's shirt. That idiot wasn't getting killed for her. He had to get down. He adjusted his arms, practically wrapping them around her neck. His shoulders bent over her head, completely covering her from any harm. But none of that mattered if he got hurt.

Literally the only thing keeping her grounded was Toby's arms. Because she didn't think that her mind could so vividly conjure the rapturous, unwaveringly _safe _feelings that those arms produced. Toby couldn't stop everything, but if he was capable of protecting her he would do it. And that blue. There was no way that her inadequate mind painted that entrancing, ocean blue without an immediate reference. No, this couldn't be a dream.

But that meant that Aria was -A, and that was nearly incomprehensible. How? _Why? _But she had actually pretty effectually explained why; she was crazy. And that was honestly the only explanation she could see. But it stung all the same. She had trusted Aria. She had loved her, and God knows she didn't let herself love easily. There was always the possibility that they would leave her if she didn't prove herself a good enough daughter, girlfriend, sister, friend... but the girls? She thought that they'd always be there. This day was proving how, almost deadly, wrong she had been.

Toby's hands on her face gently, always so gently, directing her gaze up were the only thing that stopped her from guilt spiraling. Because this was her fault. Emily and Hanna were by no means stupid, but humility aside, she was bar none the most intelligent of the four of them. That was what she brought to the table, and she failed them so astronomically.

The gun shots stopped, she thought. But she didn't no for sure because her ears were filled with a ringing. Kind of like when you held a sea shell to your ear, but that reflected back one hundred fold.

"Spencer!"

It sounded like she was underwater and he was yelling at her from the shore. And maybe she was, because she certainly felt like she was drowning. She couldn't breath. Her chest was on fire. Maybe she was dying. Maybe death would be a relief.

She was so cold. He felt like a furnace. His firey hands didn't stray from her face, but his eyes weren't on her anymore. They were looking somewhere over his shoulder until they weren't. The blue pierced into her like a knife. But not like a knife, because it didn't hurt. It felt like he was looking into her soul. But he had always been able to see right through her. She shouldn't have been surprised.

_She stared out over Rosewood, her thoughts lingering on whispered thoughts, murder accusations, and an unfounded reputation. It was so much like the first time Toby brought her up here, except now she was the one with an impending jail sentence hanging over their head. And Toby was wholeheartedly on her side._

_She was scared. And she was ashamed. She never should have treated Toby like that. She hadn't known him all that well back then, but she had seen his gentleness when Ali poked fun at him. She should have known he couldn't have hurt her. And to think, all he had done was given her a sweater. If there was anything she couldn't forgive Alison for it was that. She didn't care if she had some grand plan that got them out of this -A mess. She would never forgive the blonde for what she did to Toby.  
><em>

_"What's wrong, Spence?"_

_She frowned, having almost forgotten he was with her. "Nothing."_

_"Spencer," he sighed with his lips at the pulse point on her neck. He didn't have to elaborate. His exasperation with her partial truths was palpable._

_"I'm just sorry." What was the point in lying to Toby anymore? He knew all about -A, and he could pick her emotions out of her eyes with ease._

_His lips lingered for another second before pulling away to look at her. "What are you talking about?"_

_"I never should have believed you hurt Alison." He wasn't going to like that, but he liked her lies even less._

_His hands were almost immediately on her face, directing her diverted gaze to him. "Are we back to that. You didn't know me, sweetheart."_

_"I know, but I think I regret it even more now that I know what it feels like to have no one believe in you."_

_His leaned forward, tapping their foreheads together. "I'll always believe in you."_

_She sighed, almost content for the first time in a long time. "That's the only thing that's going to get me through this."_

They weren't in the house anymore. The cold December air chilled her arms and brought her back to her senses. Toby wasn't trying to get her attention anymore. He had, apparently, grown tired of it and decided to bodily carry her out of the house and into her own. Still not feeling up to talking loud enough for him to hear over the chatter of their friends, the nearing police sirens, and the wind, she put a hand on his bicep. It was only when she touched his arm that she realized how badly she was shaking. What was wrong with her?

He came to a stop, hunkering down next to a tree and pulling her tightly into his embrace. Before she even realized what he was doing he had shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her. His face was buried in her neck, and his tears were soaking straight through her thin cotton shirt and into her skin. And it was only then that she realized he was the one shaking, not her.

But for once she didn't feel inadequate. She knew exactly what he was going through, because she had lived it not that long ago. It was the worst feeling, nearly unendurable. "I'm okay, Toby. I promise, baby. I'm just fine."

He just shook his head, pulling her closer if it was possible. But that was okay. She was kind of worried about breaking him in half, based on the force she was applying. "I'm fine. Maybe I need the hospital," she admitted reluctantly. "but I'm fine. I'm not dead, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

He looked at her with blood shot eyes, and for the first time she was really seeing him; she was seeing how exhausted, how ragged he looked. And it was breaking her heart. Why was it that she brought her angel so close to hell again and again? Would she ever be enough to just make him _happy?_

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

He just looked at her. "You're okay?" He matched her hushed tone. "You're really here?"

It didn't matter what they had just gone through. She wasn't even sure what had happened. But what she was sure of was that if she hadn't known that Toby Cavanaugh was the love of her life she would have known the moment he looked at her like that. His eyes were filled with a perfect mixture of angst and love and sadness and gentleness and anger. But there was just so much love. She could answer him, but what good would that do? Instead she pulled on his shirt again, bringing his lips far enough down that she could kiss him soundly.

When they broke apart for air she just rested her forehead against his collarbone. "I'm here," she murmured.

They sat like that for awhile, her fingers rubbing out a comforting circle on his back and his gentle hands brushing over her hair. She didn't know how long it had been when she pulled away, the shoulder of his jacket sliding down hers. "What happened in there? How did we get away?"

He looked over her shoulder, absentmindedly adjusting the jacket back over her shoulder. "The ambulance is here. Can you walk or do you want me to carry you?"

"Toby," she protested softly, now sure that something went wrong, based upon his avoidance of the question.

He kissed her forehead, pulled the hood over her head, and lifted her back into his arms, carrying her off to the help that she needed. "Focus on you. Once we get to the hospital I'll tell you everything."

"No," she insisted. "Tell me now. What happened? Did someone get hurt?"

His eyes flickered briefly from her face. He looked back down at her almost immediately, but it wasn't fast enough for her to not catch it. She grabbed his shirt, pulling herself up enough to see what she never wanted to see. Two men carried a black bag out of the house, solemn faces all around. She looked wildly, but Toby was the only person she cared about in sight. "Who?" She demanded.

"Breath," he persisted. "You aren't breathing, and I'm not okay with that."

Breathing be damned. "_Who?" _In her head she was shouting, but her voice came out a breathy sob. "Who was it?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Here you guys go! I'm so sorry it's taking so long! But I promise I haven't forgotten you! A Colorless Sunrise is almost done too, but that's only taking forever because it's an emotional disaster! I MISS YOU ALL THOUGH. PM me if you ever want to chat :)**

Chapter 13

TPOV

If it were just him, if he didn't have to worry about his friends, about _Spencer, _he would have already gone for the gun. But as it were, he didn't trust anything other than his own body to keep Spencer safe. Because he would take a thousand bullets for her if that's what it took to protect her.

He could hear one of the other girls screaming, but he had to trust that Caleb had them. Because he couldn't focus on anything more than Spencer's concerning lack of a reaction. She was far too still, and it was scaring him. So while shouts and bullets rained around them he took her cold, bruised face in his hands. "Spencer!"

"Stop, just put the gun down."

"Are you seriously telling the girl with the gun what to do?"

He supposed that he should take a minute to be shocked by the fact that Jason was the one trying to persuade Aria to lose the gun. But he wasn't, and it took him a moment to realize that it was probably because Jason's betrayal was the most shocking thing he could have done. There weren't many people he trusted in Rosewood to take care of his girlfriend, but Jason DiLaurentis had been one of them.

"If you hurt them," Jason said slowly, "the cops are all going to wonder where you are. The Rosewood PD are a bunch of idiots, but they're intelligent enough to realize that you should probably be with them."

"I'll figure something out. I always do. And if you don't stop this insubordination I might have to let what you did to Bethany slip."

He was almost glad that Spencer was seemingly unaware for that revelation. It was bad enough that Jason had hurt her, but to find out how willing he was for her to spend the rest of her life in jail? It was breaking _his _heart, and he was only involved in as much as it effected Spencer.

The gun expelled another bullet, this one landing just above him and Spencer. He gathered her limp body closer as the drywall dust raining into their hair. He had to get her out of there. He wasn't sure what was wrong with her, but it couldn't be anything good. "Spence, please open your eyes."

She shifted slightly, but she still didn't look at him. But that was okay. Movement suggested consciousness which suggested the ability to be fixed. But God, if he could change places with her he would. If he could take her pain upon himself he would do it in a heartbeat, because watching her like this was so much worse than actually feeling it for himself.

"I can't let you do that, Aria." Jason's voice sounded resigned, and that scared the hell out of him.

He tucked Spencer into the alcove and scooted back to observe the chaos. His eyes left her face just in time to see Jason throw himself at Aria, tackling the small girl to the ground. He reacted immediately. The gun went off two more times, but he couldn't worry about that, not yet. He threw himself forward and grabbed the gun, taking the cold steel into his hands and pointing it at the unmoving mass of limbs on the ground. "Caleb!"

"On it," the younger boy muttered, shifting past the girls and hesitantly walking toward them. A sickening pool of blood was spreading from their bodies, but he couldn't tell where it was coming from.

An inhuman screech came from Jason and Aria's bodies, and in a small flash of brown Aria bounded up and sprinted for the door. He probably could have stopped her, but there was so much else to worry about right now. He tucked the gun into his pocket and stumbled back to Spencer, dropping to his knees in front of her.

The fact that Aria had gotten up meant that the blood belonged to Jason, and he was feeling overwhelming mixed emotions about the fact. The darkest part of him, the part he usually ran from, felt like that was all that he deserved. He had nearly _killed _Spencer, the only person that he couldn't live without; for that he wanted Jason to burn. But he also remembered the Jason that was Spencer's family when no one else was. He remembered the Jason who was one of the only people in town who seemed to related to his black sheep status, the Jason who gave him a job when no one else would. But nonetheless, he was grateful that Emily was helping him because he couldn't bring himself to leave Spencer's side.

He lifted her frail body into his arms. "I'm going to get her outside. Hanna, call 911."

"Already on it," she spoke in a clipped tone. "Is she okay?"

He didn't answer her. He just swept an arm under Spencer's legs and bundled her against his chest, praying that the fresh air would do what he couldn't and rouse her.

* * *

><p>It did seem to help at first. She was talking to him, looking at him. But her hazy eyes and persistent focus on the body bag were causing him to worry further. She was awake, and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that, including inducing the sting of despair that Jason's death would have on her.<p>

Her persistent fingers on his face had his immediate attention. "Toby," she whispered, using her trembling fingers to keep his eyes on her. "Toby, who was it? Emily? Hanna?" Her voice broke at the end.

He shook his head, immediately assuaging those needless fears. Because he knew as painful as Jason's death would be for her, it was nothing compared to the crushing despair that would be accompanied by the death of one of her friends... or him. But he pushed down the guilt that accompanied any thoughts of November. It wouldn't serve any purpose right now. "It was Jason, Spencer. He pushed Aria down to stop her from shooting at us and got shot in the process."

She went rigid, tucking her face into his neck to hide whatever emotional reaction she was having. But he could feel the tears pooling on his neck. "Why would he do that?" She whispered shakily.

He didn't want her to cry, he _never _wanted her to cry. But right now he was grateful for her tears because they reminded him that she was alive. She was _alive. _He wrapped his arms around her, one around her waist and the other cradling the back of her head. "I think that he was being blackmailed, Spencer."

"Yeah," she murmured. "I got that too. But it doesn't matter, does it? He tried to kill me."

He shook his head at the reminder, burying his face in her hair. He needed to be strong for her right now, but the reminder of how close he came to losing her forever caused his throat to tighten. He focusing on the steady rise and fall of her chest, of the tears running down her face, he focused on the clear and obvious signs that she was alive and well. "I'm not going to sing his praises," he whispered into her hair. "but he _didn't _kill you, thank God. And he stopped the rest of us from dying. I think that what he did was reprehensible, but he could have done so much more damage."

She let out a noise that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. "Gold star vocab word. No wonder you always beat me at Scrabble."

Her words caused a sob of his own to rise up in his throat. "Oh God, Spence. I- I just love you so much." What would he have done without her? What would he have done if he had lost her for good?

She pulled away slightly keeping her hands on his chest to presumably steady herself, and he slid his arms down to her waist to support her. He never minded taking on her insubstantial weight. He would gladly take her in his arms and carry her forever if that's what she needed. She leaned forward again, stumbling slightly, falling into his chest. But he wouldn't let her fall. He had her.

"I love you too," she whispered in a raspy voice before leaning up and meeting their mouths together in a heated kiss.

"Excuse me?"

They broke apart, slowly. He reluctantly glanced over his shoulder at the pair of paramedics behind him. The woman smiled awkwardly. "We were told that one of you needed medical attention."

Spencer's fingers immediately tightened in his shirt. He turned back to her and smoothed her hair back, pressing a soft and gentle kiss to the crown of her head. "It'll be okay."

She just nodded taking a step toward them without letting go of him. He tightened his grip on her when he felt her unsteady steps. He wanted to protest as the paramedics took her from him, helping her onto the stretcher. But he didn't. They could do more for her than he could, because as alive as she was, there was something wrong with her; something that he couldn't fix.

"Toby."

He was torn from his thoughts by her panicked whisper. He immediately took her hand in his, her fingers tightening almost painfully around his. "I'm not going anywhere, Spence." And he meant it, he would be by her side for as long as she wanted him.


	15. Chapter 15

**So, I'm not trying to be an ass, but I'm not writing for myself. And when the combined reviews for my last two updates is seven I start to wonder if anyone's still reading :(.**

**Anyway, this isn't the longest, but you know how I love cliffies. I'll probably have the next chapter up soon.**

Chapter 14

SPOV

The gentle hum of the life saving machinery that surrounded her aching body was strangely soothing. Her physical injuries were stabilized, but it would be a long time before she felt safe again. Jason was dead. He was _dead. _Her brother, the one she felt closer to than the rest of her family put together, was betraying her the entire time. But in the end he chose to save her, and that had to mean something?

But even more than that, Aria... _**Aria. **_One of their trusted circle, someone she never suspected even though she was fairly certain that the entire rest of the town fell on her list of suspects at one point. Aria was -A, and she had escaped. How were they supposed to deal with this? How would Aria retaliate if they finally told the truth?

Her internal monologue quieted as she focused in on the soft, callous fingers on her forearm. Toby. Where would she be without Toby? If he hadn't been so focused on avenging her they never would have found her. She still would have been lying prone, semi-conscious, in the DiLaurentis basement. He always made things better. He always helped her, even when he shouldn't; even when he should focus on helping himself.

"Toby," she whispered, her throat aching with every syllable. They told her that it was a side effect of the drugs that Wren had negligibly used to keep her under and that it would wear off. But for now it had her wincing.

She couldn't have spoken all that loudly, but it still had his immediate attention. He looked down at her with a sad, tired smile. "Hey," he breathed, tucking a chunk of hair behind her ear. "Are you okay?"

She just smiled back at him, leaning into his hand. It was so warm, and she was so cold. "I'm okay. Are you?" It didn't take a lot of effort to pick out the sadness in his eyes. Maybe it was because she loved him.

His face twisted with emotion before he smoothly pushed it back down. "Don't worry about me." He murmured, brushing his lips across her forehead.

She caught his hand, bringing his wrist to her lips. "Be honest with me, Toby."

He was fine for another second until he wasn't, his face crumpling with pain. "I could have lost you, Spencer."

"But you didn't. I'm fine," she whispered.

He just shook his head. "That's not exactly what I mean. You're alive, and that's the most relieved that I've ever felt. But I owe you an apology."

"Are you kidding?" She rasped. "Toby-"

"No, Spence. Listen, after you found that body in the woods-"

"Toby," she tried again, not wanting to talk about this at all. Those days were better left buried.

"I never should have let you believe that I was dead. I thought- God, I thought you were better off safe than happy, but I was wrong. Because there was literally not a feeling worse in the world than believing that you were dead."

"Toby," she whispered again, flanking his face with her hands. "You came back to me. You came back, and that was the most important thing."

"It doesn't matter," he said in the same tone, decidedly avoiding her eyes.

She shifted, putting one hand on the back of his head, gently guiding him down to her. "Yes," she murmured, pressing her lips to his in a soft kiss. "It does."

"Spencer," he whispered into her lips.

"Toby," she teased back, kissing him again. "Is um-" she pulled away, staring at his lips. "Is everyone else okay?"

He nodded, shifting from his chair to the edge of the bed. "They're with Detective Tanner right now. She should be along to question us when they're done."

"Why aren't you there with them? I'm fine, right?" It didn't make sense to her. Wouldn't the cops have wanted to just get it over with?

"Are you kidding?" He took her catch phrase, sliding down next to her, taking her thin frame in his arms. He buried his face in her hair, and the wetness of his tears pooled onto of her head; but she pretended that she didn't feel them. He wouldn't want her too. "Spence," he murmured, his words muffled by her hair. "If you think that there's any way that I could possibly leave you after all of this you have literally lost your mind."

"What could possibly happen in a hospital?" He was being overprotective, but she'd be lying if she didn't admit to kind of enjoying his caveman act. It made her feel safe like nothing else ever could.

"Kind of like what could possibly happen in your house, right?" He muttered.

She laughed bitterly. Like she'd ever be able to be alone in her house again. "Solid point," she muttered, closing her eyes and tucking her face into the warm skin of his neck. The beating of his heart... the steady rise and fall of his chest... the fact that Toby was alright meant so much. But was she okay? "So what's wrong with me?"

"Broken ribs and a concussion mostly," he said softly. "It could have been so much worse."

"But it wasn't," she soothed, taking his hand.

"I-"

They were distracted by a shuffling from the door. Detective Tanner slipped in through the heavy hospital door, gently shutting it behind her. "I'm sorry to disturb you. Is this a good time?"

"It's fine," Spencer said, leaning into Toby. She tucked her face into his side, controlling her emotions before looking at the detective. "What can I do for you?"

"I got a fairly accurate account of the events from your friends. I just have one question for you, Ms. Hastings."

She looked at Detective Tanner, waiting for her to voice her question. The detective smiled and used her right hand to push back her curls. "Do you know whose body Ms. Montgomery and Mr. DiLaurentis used in your place?"

She paused, biting down on her lip. "I have a fairly good idea."


	16. Chapter 16

**AN at the end. Because I have spoiler-y things to say.**

**What I CAN say is that I'm rewatching PLL, and I'm seriously so upset. WHAT THE HELL is wrong with the Rosewood legal system?! Mrs. D seeing Spencer talking to someone dressed in Alison's clothes is literally the opposite of a legitimate reason for arresting someone. That is not evidence. She didn't see her hitting Bethany. She didn't see her threatening someone. She didn't see Spencer doing anything wrong. EVERYTHING is circumstantial. And shaky circumstantial at that, opposite of a legit reason for issuing an arrest warrnet Maybe Spencer was like Yo Dude, what are you doing in my yard dressed as my friend? Could ya go please?! Maybe it really WAS Ali?! Maybe she was just talking!? Maybe she was HELPING?! Regardless, even if Mrs. D saw Spencer hurting someone, SHE IS THE OPPOSITE OF A CREDIBLE SOURCE. But even if she WAS there was more reason to arrest Spencer for killing Mrs. D than Bethany, because if Spencer found out about that it's a hella good motive. EVEN MORE THAN THAT, Mrs. D so obviously has a connection to Bethany... MAYBE TANNER SHOULD HAVE FOUND THAT OUT instead of jumping on the blame Spencer for freaking everything bandwagon.**

**Or maybe the judge is A.**

Chapter 15

SPOV

_"I have a fairly good idea."_

It was in her nature. She wanted to protect the people closest to her, but what purpose did keeping this secret serve? From the second that she learned it, in the midst of the most painful time of her life, she had wanted to spill. She wanted to get advice from the people that she trusted. But they had been through so much, they had faced so much adversity. There was just never a good time to bring it up.

Detective Tanner looked at her with her typical cop face, the face that was both comforting and condescending in equal measure. "What do you mean, Ms. Hastings."

In a different time she might have told the woman off for looking at her like she was stupid. But she just didn't have the strength. The only thing giving her the strength to explain the situation was Toby's arms around her. As tough as she played, she was scared. Two people that she trusted had managed to continuously betray her for two years, and now one of them, her **brother, **was dead. "I just- I don't know where to start."

"Try the beginning," Tanner said softly, sitting at the foot of the bed. "We need to know so we can fully piece this mess together. They did tests on the body, Ms. Hastings, and they all came back as it being you. Does Ms. Montgomery have contacts in the coroner's office?"

She nodded and leaned into Toby, fully embracing his warmth. She took in a deep breath and started the story of how she discovered it, one of the things that she was the most ashamed of.

_Everything hurt. And it wasn't a physical pain, it was mental, and it was worse than anything that she had ever experienced. Every minute of the day, every single second she felt like something was trying to crawl its way out of her chest._

_She picked up a card in the box of his things; the things that she couldn't look at anymore. **Won't you be mine? I'm already yours. I love you so much. Toby. **Words. They were just words, but they were words that she latched onto. They were words that she took to heart._

_She **trusted **him. She believed him when he told her that he loved her, and it hurt her more than anything she had ever experience. She tucked the card back into the box with a loud sob, bundled the box to her chest, and shouldered her way through the door. The stairs to the attic were steep and probably not a good idea when she was blinded by tears, but she didn't care. How could anything matter anymore? How could she believe in anything ever again when the one person that she unreservedly believed in destroyed her? Because it wasn't just that she loved Toby. It was so much more than that. She **trusted **him, and that didn't come easy for her. Trust was too easily broken, but she thought that Toby was the one person that wouldn't break her. She thought she could trust him, and it was almost comical how wrong she had been._

_The box couldn't just go anywhere, because she couldn't let anyone know how much Toby had hurt her. It wasn't safe. She couldn't let him hurt anyone else. If she put it by the Christmas decorations someone would find it. It she put it near the wrong papers or filing cabinets her parents would find them. She had to pick the right spot._

_A dusty cedar chest in the back corner was promising. She opened it to reveal a stack of musty smelling papers and a hodge podge of old photographs. She tucked her box in the corner, but before she could shut it curiosity got the best of her. She pulled a picture out and looked at it in confusion. Her mother was holding two babies with a smattering of brown hair. Distant relatives?_

_She flipped the photograph over and frowned in confusion. In her mother's handwriting **Spencer and Sarah April 1995** was written across the back. She grabbed a yellowed set of forms. **Radley Admissions. **_

_What the hell was going on? Her devastation of what she had lost was temporarily abated. She sat on the couch, her legs crossed as she waited for one of her parents to get home._

_It seemed like no time at all had passed when her mom slipped through the door, but she was certain that it had been closer to a few hours. "Spencer, are you feeling alright?"_

_She paused, trying to find the words she needed. "Who's Sarah?"_

_Her mother frozen, quite clearly not even breathing. "I don't believe that I know anyone by that name."_

_"You're **lying,**" she breathed incredulously. "Why are you lying to me?"_

_"It's- damn it Spencer, we've tried to protect you from this."_

_She stood up, a bitter laugh spilling from her lips. "Yeah? And when has protecting me ever actually helped me? Tell me, mom."_

_She turned, a tear trailing down her face. "How am I supposed to explain what I'm sure is my biggest mistake?"_

_"Try," she whispered, her voice considerably softer. She was certain that whatever it was was awful, but she could never be too angry at someone who showed genuine regret._

_Her mom sat down on the couch, gesturing for her to join her. When she did she started to speak. "When you were born- It wasn't just you. I was pregnant with twins."_

_"Excuse me?" Whatever she had expected, it wasn't that._

_"You're a twin, Spencer. Sarah is your twin, identical for that matter," she said softly, her voice getting softer with every word. "I know that we should have told you, but-"_

_"Where is she?" She asked. "Why have I never met her?"_

_"When she was two Sarah began showing serious signs of mental illness. She was too young to be diagnosed, but Dr. Kim said that there was a distinct chance that she was developing some sort of mental disorder. Your father convinced me that the right call was admitting her to Radley."_

_"Dr. Kim?" That name sounded familiar._

_"Turns out it was Wren's uncle," she let out a bitter laugh of her own. "Spencer," she reached out and grabbed her hand. "I've never told you this because I'm so ashamed. I regret it more than I've ever regretted anything. But it turns out that maybe it was a legitimate step because I've spoken with the Radley doctors, and it turns out that Sarah has been violent."_

_"Nature vs. nurture, right?" She snapped. "You'll never know if she really was crazy or if your sticking her in Radley during her formative years was the cause."_

She didn't realize she was crying until she shut her mouth, finishing the story. She didn't realize it until Toby's calloused fingers began to gently wipe the tears away. "Spence," he breathed. He looked guilty, and she didn't understand why until she remembered how she started the story.

She just shook her head. "Not your fault, Toby. I get it now, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. Please don't feel bad."

He just continued to frown, tightening his arms around her. She reluctantly turned her gaze back on Tanner when she cleared her throat. "Are you saying that you have a twin, Spencer?" For the first time since Tanner tore into Rosewood, Spencer saw her look somewhat genuine. "And that she's the one that was killed?"

"I think so," she whispered, keeping her eyes on the sheets. "I wish I had gone to see her."

"You couldn't have known," Tanner said softly, reaching out and putting a gentle hand on her arm. "I just have one more question."

Spencer nodded for her to continue. Tanner looked like she already knew the answer. "Did you tell anyone about this?"

She bit down hard on her lip. She was making all the wrong choices lately. "Aria," she whispered. "I told Aria. I thought that she understood. Ezra had just found out about Malcom, and it just felt so similar. I thought she was my friend."

"Spencer," Toby whispered again, pulling her more tightly into him. "Spencer, it's not your fault. She fooled us all."

"I should have known," she whimpered into his side. "I should have known, and it would have fixed everything."

He just shook his head on top of hers. Instinctively, he seemed to know that no words he spoke could fix this. So he didn't talk. He just held her, and as usual, he slowly began to wipe away her every insecurity, her every fear. Because when Toby held her she felt invincible.

**I know I used the Hastings sibling thing in another story, but I am SO SURE that if the show goes with the twin thing that it has to be the Hastings or the DiLaurentises. No other family has the resources to hide something that big.**

**I will be mega pissed if the show does a real life twin. It's so predictable. But if they do it damn well better be Spencer, because Troian will kill it.**

**Review, guys!**


	17. Chapter 17

**GUYS IM TRYING REALLY HARD TO RIGHT THIS BUT THAT *INSERTCHOICEEXPLICATIVE* EPISODE JUST LITERALLY KILLED ME SO IMMA RAMBLE FOR A SECOND AND GET MY TUMBLR SPEAK OUT OF MY HEAD AND HOPE THAT I CAN TYPE IN NORMAL LETTERS IN A SECOND. IM DEAD. IM LITERALLY DEAD. DEAD AS A DOORNAIL. I CANT HANDLE LIFE RIGHT NOW.**

**OKAY. IM GOING TO TRY. AND GO RESPOND TO CAITYCAITES WHO IS ALSO FREAKING OUT AND WE'RE FREAKING OUT TOGETHER, COME FREAK OUT WITH ME TOO BECAUSE I WONT BE DONE TOMORROW I THINK. IM SO DEAD.**

Chapter 16

TPOV

She was finally asleep, and he was glad. She deserved a peaceful rest after everything that she had gone through. He ran a soft set of fingers along the edge of the jagged gash near her temple. It was so close. He could have lost her forever, and that wasn't sitting well with him. He was terrified that he wouldn't be able to protect her any longer with Aria's escalated game.

He buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes, breathing in her scent. It was the most calming thing in his world. He never thought that he'd be able to do this again. He never thought that he'd be able to feel her in his arms again. He was so grateful, _so grateful._

_He glanced at her over his laptop screen, smiling as a chunk of hair worked its way out of her pony tail. God, she was so beautiful. She flipped the page, her eyes flickering up to meet his. "What are you looking at?" She smiled. _

_"You," he laughed, reaching across the table and taking her hand. "What are you doing?"_

_"Finals are coming up," she sighed, her annoyance at her impending exams not quite dampering her grin. "Now that I don't have anyone breathing down my neck maybe I can pass my junior year."_

_He paused, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. "Why didn't you tell me about her, Spence?"_

_She kept her eyes on the book for another second, her smile sliding away to a more serious face. "It wasn't safe."_

_"For you, I know. But-"_

_She shook her head, cutting him off. "No, Toby. For you. If I had told you she would have hurt you. It was never about trust, it was about your safety."_

_"What makes you say that?" He asked her slowly, kind of scared for whatever she was about to say. How deeply had Mona's cuts scarred?_

_She hesitated before answering. "Because she proved it to me. She- she was the one that hurt your brakes in your truck, and she loosened something in your scaffolding. She did it to warn me to keep my mouth shut."_

_How was he supposed to respond to that? Because he didn't have to think twice about it to understand he choice, because he would have made the same one without any hesitation. But he supposed that it didn't matter so much anymore. Because Mona was locked away in Radley, and she'd never have to worry about it again. "I love you," he whispered, squeezing her hand. "I love you so much for that." No one had ever looked after him the way that Spencer did, and it meant the world to him.  
><em>

Spencer had looked after him then, and it was his turn to look after her now. He would protect her with everything that he had because she was the first one who ever looked after him. She was the first to show him that he mattered, and honestly, he never really realize that he mattered until Spencer saw that he mattered.

Maybe he wouldn't be able to protect her fully, but God, it wouldn't be from a lack of trying. He would protect her with everything that he had. No one would hurt her when he was around, and he had no intention of leaving her side any time soon.

"You alright?" She murmured into the skin of his neck.

He should back away and check on her, but he couldn't bring himself to move even an inch. If he wasn't touching her he wouldn't be able to handle it. He wouldn't remember that this was _real. _That she was real. That she was alive. "I'm great," he whispered in a raw, emotion filled voice.

She pulled away slightly, smoothly attempting to cover up a wince. She frowned, looking into his eyes. It felt like she was looking right through him, and it was something that he loved and hated in equal measure. He loved that he had someone who knew him well enough to pick his emotions out of his eyes, but it was inconvenient when he needed her to worry about herself. "Really, Spence," he said with a smile. "I promise I'm fine. Just a little emotional."

She nodded, leaning back into him. "It's hard for awhile, I remember. But it will be fine. _I'm fine. _And I'm not going anywhere."

He wrapped both arms around her, one around her waist and he bunched his fingers up in her hair. Her words cracked open the gate and allowed the guilt to come seeping back in. It wasn't her intention, he knew. But God, what had he been thinking? She had no say in this, but he had willingly let her believe that he was dead. He let her go through this agony despite the fact that he could have stopped it. He broke her into a thousand pieces, and maybe the only way that he could atone for his mistakes was to put her back together. Piece by piece, word of affirmation by word of affirmation. He didn't care if it took the rest of their lives, he would fix the fall out of his biggest mistake.

He didn't know how to respond to her so he changed the subject. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," she said with unexpected, but appreciated, honesty. Usually they downplayed their suffering for each other.

"Do I need to hunt down a nurse?" He asked her, concerned. Maybe one of her cuts was getting infected, or maybe there was some kind of internal injury that the doctors missed.

"No," she whispered, fisting the fabric of his shirt. "Don't go."

"Never," he said softly. "I'll never leave you, Spencer. That's not something that you h. ave to worry about."

She pulled away again. He wiped the tear trailing down her cheek with a stroke of his thumb. She leaned into his hand and closed her eyes. "That's just it though," she whispered. "I want you to stay safe. That's more important than anything. And if Aria's going to target me, she has to know that the best way to get to me is through you."

"Spencer-" He tried to calm her, but she just shook her head.

"No," she tried to push away but he grabbed both of her hands, holding her in place. This wasn't something that either of them would run through.

He ran a hand through her hair. "You need to stay calm, sweetheart. I know it's hard, but you need to recover before anything else. I need you to be okay, and then we'll figure out how to catch Aria."

"I can't let you get hurt," her pained whisper broke off at the end. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt."

"Right back at you," he stated simply, taking her face in his hands. "I think we're at an impasse."

She cracked a small smile. "What do we do, then?"

"I think-" he smiled, "I think the only solution is to protect each other. If we're together we stand a better chance. And we know who we're looking for this time, Spencer. We can finally end this."

"The girls told the cops about Aria?" Her voice was slowly dropping volume, giving way to her exhaustion.

He nodded, gently pulling her back down onto the pillows. He tried to get up, but she held on tight to his arm. "They did. There hasn't been any sign of her, but it's only a matter of time."

"And they're okay?" She mumbled.

"They're worried about you, but you're under restriction," he smiled. "They won't let more than one unrelated person back here at a time, and they made me come."

"I'm glad," she yawned, tucking her face into his neck, warming him from the inside out. "I love you."

"I love you too, Spencer. So much." He kissed the top of her head and pulled out his Kindle. He had planned on trying to read while she slept, but he couldn't turn his brain off. What if she was right? What if Aria was planning on destroying Spencer? He had to find a way to end this for good.


	18. Chapter 18

**I don't pay 4 reviews back with not updating. I pay four reviews back with the meanest cliffy I think I've ever given. :)**

**I promise, if you guys actually review this chapter the next one will end WITHOUT a cliffy. Hope you like this though, okay!? LOVE YOU :) You guys are pretty much the best.**

Chapter 17

TPOV

"What's wrong?"

The dour set to her face was certainly not what he was expecting from someone who was finally escaping the hospital. They told him it had been a week, but it had felt more like an eternity. He just wanted her home where he could kiss her and hold her and do whatever he could to make her feel safe without the threat of a nurse walking in. He just wanted to make everything okay for her again.

She just shook her head, her eyes over his shoulder at the nurse who was waiting at the door with a wheel chair and her parents who were standing next to it, all toothy grins. She looked at him desperately, practically begging him to read her mind. But he couldn't quite grasp why she was so upset. "Spence?"

She shook her head again, forcing a smile on her face. "I'm just ready to go home."

She was lying. He put a hand on her cheek for a second before helping her up and supporting her to the wheel chair. He tried to walk away, to give her parents the spot next to her, but she grabbed his wrist before he could go further than a step. He laced their fingers together and brushed her hair back with his spare hand.

It was almost amusing how little of the hospital he had seen despite the fact that he hadn't left the building in the past seven days. The halls, the potted plants, the obnoxious blue decor... it didn't matter that he hadn't gotten to know them intimately. What mattered was what they now represented, Spencer's health and freedom. She was finally on the mend, and maybe now his mind could convince his heart of what he refused to accept; Spencer was alive.

The nurse wheeled her chair right up to her father's SUV, where he helped her out and up into the large vehicle. Her parents had never been the most considerate or else they would have brought a smaller car. The wince of pain that flashed across her face as he helped her inside sent a stabbing pain through his heart. Not for the first time he wished there was anything he could do to take her physical pain away, because enduring it was so much better than watching her go through it.

The normal bumps and jolts in the roads that were so trivial were painful for her. Every time the car jerked she wilted further into him, her body tensing through the pain. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders to hopefully steady her and pressed his lips to her hair. "Tell me what's wrong, Spencer."

She looked up at him, her big brown eyes full of the same fear that he saw in the hospital. But he still didn't understand where it was coming from. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt her, and she had to realize that by now. But as he saw the Hastings' house at the end of the street he understood, and he felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it sooner. How could anyone expect her to go back in that house after what happened to her the last time that she was there?

"Spence," he breathed, pulling far enough away that he could see her face. "I'm sorry. Shit, I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?"

She smiled through the uneasiness. "I love you. But I have to try for them," she gestured to her parents in the front. "Just don't leave me. I mean, if you need to go then go. But I would really like-"

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, his lips on her temple. "But are you sure?"

"Not even a little bit," she muttered.

The car drove through the gate and down the driveway. When they stopped just in front of the back door he squeezed her waist before letting her go completely. "Let me help you," he murmured, sliding out of the vehicle and around to her door. She could probably do it on her own. It wasn't that he didn't believe in her. He just wanted to do whatever he could to make this horrible experience a little easier for her.

She grabbed onto his bicep with her cold hands and leaned heavily against him. He thought that everything was going fine. The made it to the back porch before she froze. Her limbs started to tremble and her breath came out in ragged gasps. "Spence?"

He stopped, Mrs. and Mr. Hastings pausing in front of him. He lowered her to the ground, crouching in front of her with her face in his hands. "Spence, breath. Just breath, Spencer. You're alright. You're safe. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. You're safe."

She shook her head, her eyes on the ground, and a single tear trailing down her cheek. "Look at me, Spencer."

His own tears welled up in his eyes at the sound of helpless sobs. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve this fear. She deserved to live a long, happy life. She deserved to feel safe and whole. She deserved the world. The shivering of her bare shoulders was his breaking point. He shrugged out of his flannel and wrapped it around her shoulders. It just left him in a thin, white undershirt, but that was okay.

He craned his neck to look at her parents. "Can I take her for awhile? I know you want to spend time with her, but I think that this is what she needs."

"Go," Mrs. Hastings whispered, sounding as vulnerable as he ever heard her. "Just keep her safe."

He'd protect her with everything he had, because he knew what it felt to lose her and he was never going back there again. "She'll be safe with me."

He gently pulled her to her feet and all but carried her to her car. He would drive his truck, but it was still at the hospital. Mr. Hastings followed after them and pulled the passenger side door open. After Toby situated Spencer in her seat he shut the door behind her. Mr. Hastings slid the keys into his hand and walked away without another word. He might have been offended if it were anyone else, but for the Hastings he knew that this was the highest form of praise and acceptance.

He climbed into his side and shut the door behind him, locking them inside. He glanced at Spencer, the blood shot eyes and red stained cheeks were breaking his heart. He didn't want her to be afraid. He leaned across and buckled her seat belt. "Where do you want to go?"

She didn't answer. She just brought her legs to her chest and wrapped both arms around them. He could see her shaking and he wished that he could comfort her. But what she really needed was to get away from here. So he started the car and slowly backed down the driveway. He put a hand on her knee and gently stroked over the soft skin with his thumb. "Are you alright? Just tell me that you're okay."

"Well, I don't know about her, but I'm certainly not okay. I thought that you guys would never get in here."

At the sound of the unexpected voice he swerved, barely managing to regain control of the car before they hit a mailbox. Spencer started violently and wrenched around. "Aria, are you kidding?"

He watched Aria roll her eyes in the rear view. He was mentally preparing himself to pull over until he saw the glint of her gun in the glass. Did the girl have an unlimited supply of fire arms? Or had she gotten a hold of the original gun again?

The brunette smirked. "For someone who touted the merits of Team Sparia for years, you certainly haven't done a good job of anticipating my next moves." Her eyes darted to him. "Keep driving."

"I'm not sure why that's a good idea at all," he said softly, turning the wheel toward the curb. He was going to get out of this car.

Aria jerked and grabbed his arm, jamming the gun into his side. "Go!"

She obviously wasn't thinking clearly, because pointing the gun at Spencer would have been far more effective. But he also didn't particularly want to get himself shot. So he nodded in agreement, speeding up at he left Spencer's neighborhood.

He glanced over at Spencer who was being suspiciously quiet. He didn't want her to draw attention to herself, but it was strange that she wasn't. She gave him a significant look, her eyes traveling between his face, the steering wheel, and the side of the road. It took him a minute to understand the meaning, and he when he did he was struck by just how terrible an idea it was.

"Stop talking with your eyes! Just drive, Toby!"

His eyes lingered on Spencer's for a second before focusing back on the road. Was she serious? The more he thought about it the more he realized that it was maybe the best option. Another hospital visit was certainly better than the bottom of a grave. But Spencer had only just come back from the dead, really. Could be risk her again? But was letting this play out the way Aria wanted it to a better option? Wouldn't it be better to end this on their terms?

He took a deep breath and punched the gas. When he saw the speedometer creep toward 80 he unbuckled his seat belt and threw himself across the seat, covering Spencer's body with his own. The girls were shouting, glass was shattering, and his world was turning round and round. He didn't know which way was up or down. The only thing he knew was Spencer's body beneath his. It was his singular focus, keeping her covered... keeping her safe. It was the only thing that mattered.

They stopped with a thump, a blinding pain shooting through his whole body. He wanted to get up. He wanted to check on Spencer. He wanted to get her away from Aria. He wanted to find the gun. But he couldn't do any of that because as soon as the car stopped his vision went black and he didn't know anything else.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN at the end. So, I'm an asshole. :)**

Epilogue

EMPOV

**One Year Later**

It still hurt. Every single day it hurt. Sometimes it felt okay... she could go hours without thinking about it. She could go to class, work a shift at the Starbucks at Hollis, and even laugh with friends. But when it came back to her the waves of despair crashed over her, bringing her back down to that dark place. Dr. Sullivan said that it would get better, but she hadn't found a way to move on yet.

For so long the four of them acted like this was just something to get through, something to endure until it went away. They all always assumed that they would come out the other end, together and strong. God, they were so wrong.

"You doing alright, Em?"

Hanna's hand on her arm should have been comforting, but today it was a reminder of what they had lost. They shouldn't be here right now. They shouldn't have to commemorate another death, especially not these ones. "No," she whispered, shrugging her off and walking through the dewy grass of Rosewood's cemetery.

But more than all of that, they should have all been together. They should have seen that Aria needed help long before that day in the DiLaurentis house. Because even though she tortured them for years, it wasn't out of hate, not really. She was so sick, and she needed their help.

But God, Spencer. Spencer was the one who held them together. She was the kind of leader that Alison never could have been. Alison broke them, but Spencer helped put them back together. Spencer accepted her when she couldn't even accepted herself, she was the only reason that they passed their classes through the -A drama, but more than any of that, she took the brunt for them again and again. She unreservedly took the worst for them, and she did so without hesitation or complaint. She protected them with everything that she had, and she deserved so much better than the ending she got.

They should have been together.

But maybe it was the guilt that was the worst. Because while Spencer and Toby were ending their nightmare and paying the ultimate price for it, she was making lattes for strangers. She was content, _happy _almost. They hadn't quite ended everything, but they were finally on the right path. She was content while two of her best friends in the world were making Rosewood safe for her again.

_Toby. _She couldn't even think about Toby without crying. They ruined him. Minus maybe the year and a half he was with Spencer his life was a nightmare, and so much of it was their fault. They never should have let him take the blame for the Jenna thing. She had known Toby for most of her life, and she knew what kind of person he was. She should have stood up for him sooner.

And even despite all of that, Toby spent the last years of his life working to end their nightmare. He consistently put himself at risk, literally risking everything to expose -A. And the way that he died... they found him out of his seat, his lifeless body on top of Spencer's. Even at the end, he did everything he could to keep her safe. And from what she was told, the passenger side of the car crumpled around a large tree. Spencer and Aria probably would have been lost regardless, but Toby might have survived. He might have walked away had he not been so hell bent on saving Spencer.

But really that was who they were. They weren't perfect. Their relationship was flawed, but what they were so good at was protecting each other. Again and again they proved that they were willing to go to the ends of the earth to keep each other safe. And that's what they were doing, even in the end. Protecting each other and protecting the ones that they cared about.

She knelt down between the graves, her trembling fingers brushing over the letters in Spencer's name. She was 18. She was only 18. She had so much life in front of her. She should have gone to college and been a brain surgeon or the first woman president. She should have changed the world, because that's who Spencer was; a world changer.

She shifted and touched Toby's name. Toby would have been the best cop that this shitty town had to offer. Not only would he have done his job, but he would have done it well... with passion. He would have been someone that people could trust, that they could depend on to protect him. Because that's who he was to her. He protected her. He saved them from their nightmare, and she would never forget him. Their would never be a day that went by that she didn't think of Toby Cavanaugh and Spencer Hastings.

They deserved better. They deserved the world, but at least they went together. She remembered learning about soul mates in history class, about how the Greeks believed that human beings used to have four arms and four legs, but that the gods feared the power that they had when they were together. So they split them down the middle and cursed humanity to a lifetime of searching for their other half.

There was no doubt in her mind that Spencer and Toby had found their soul mate in each other, and no one would ever separate them again.

**IM SORRY. I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.**

**I planned on ending it like this from the beginning, I swear that I did. I thought about making it a happy ending, but that's not realistic. And I wanted to make this something that could fit into the real PLL landscape. I just can't see everyone getting out of this alive.**

**Although, that being said I will literally raise hell if they really kill Spencer and Toby, so I apologize. :). Not really, sorry not sorry.**

**But thanks for all the reviews last chapter guys. I loved them. You're amazing. Check out my other stories, Exiles and They Take Their Shots. And I've been promising another specific story for awhile now, so I think I might have to get on it. So look for that one soon.**

**LOVE YOU ALL.**


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